Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
My Millionaire Father Left Me Homeless Until I Discovered Something Worth More Than Money
My father and I were standing beside his brand-new car, admiring the sleek black paint and shiny chrome details. I was already thinking about when I could take it out for a spin.
Suddenly, a homeless man shuffled over. His ragged appearance seemed out of place next to us as he stopped a few feet away.
“Excuse me, sir. I don’t mean to bother you, but… if you have any work, I’d be glad to earn a few dollars. I can wash the car or… clean your shoes.”
I looked at him, repulsed by his appearance.
“No, thanks,” I snapped. “I don’t want you touching my stuff with those dirty hands.”
The man didn’t respond. He didn’t argue or make a scene. He just gave a small nod and walked away, disappearing into the city crowd like he was used to hearing that kind of response.
I felt a strange satisfaction as if I’d defended my world. My father had been quiet the entire time. Later that evening, though, he called me into his study, his face unusually serious.
“Declan,” he started, “I’ve watched you live your life without any understanding of what’s really important.”
I frowned, not knowing where this was going.
He continued, “That man today… you treated him like he was less than human. That attitude is going to destroy you. You think money makes you better, but it’s the one thing that can ruin you.”
I tried to interrupt, but he raised his hand.
“From now on, you’re not getting another dollar from me until you learn to be a decent person. No money, no inheritance, nothing.”
“What do you mean, nothing?”
“I mean, you’re going to earn everything on your own. I’m giving you these clothes from the second-hand store, and that’s it. You need to learn the value of money, Declan.”
That wasn’t just talk. I found my accounts frozen. No more luxury, no more easy life. I was left with nothing and no way out.
The first days on the street were nothing short of humiliating. One minute, I was surrounded by luxury, and the next, I was searching for a spot to escape the cold.
The reality of it all hit me harder with each passing day. I always thought it could never happen to me. Yet there I was, shivering under a bridge, wishing for even a fraction of what I once had.
My mind kept drifting back to Layla. I had promised her a night out somewhere elegant and expensive, a place worthy of her beauty.
But now, what will she think if she sees me like this?
I wore ragged clothes, had unwashed hair, and had no money in my pockets. The thought of showing up in this state was unbearable. On the second day under the bridge, I heard a voice.
“Hey, are you alright?”
A young woman was standing in front of me.
“You look like you could use some help,” she said, offering me a hand.
I hesitated for a second, ashamed of what I had become. But I had no choice.
“I’m a volunteer at a shelter nearby,” she said. “It’s not fancy, but it’s warm, and we can get you cleaned up and something to eat.”
She led me down a few streets until we reached a modest house. The furniture was worn, but it didn’t matter. After spending nights under the open sky, it felt like a palace.
Mia motioned me to sit.
“Here, let me get you something to drink,” she said as she handed me a cup of hot tea. “This place isn’t much, but we try to make it comfortable for everyone who comes through.”
I looked around. “Why are you helping me?”
“It’s my job to help. But more than that, I know life can turn upside down in the blink of an eye. I’ve seen people from all walks of life come through here. You’re not alone in this.”
Her words hit me harder than I expected. I nodded, grateful for the first bit of kindness I had felt in days.
Later, Mia brought me clean clothes and showed me how to clean up.
“I know things seem bad now,” she said as I combed my hair in the mirror, “but you can get through this.”
Her kindness gave me hope.
The next day, Mia helped me prepare for a job interview at a local restaurant.
“It’s not glamorous, but it’s a start.”
I knew she was right. I had to start somewhere. The interview was short, and I began my duties immediately.
I started doing the dirtiest work: taking out the trash, mopping floors, washing dishes. It was tough, but I kept reminding myself that I had to earn enough to stay at a motel and buy decent clothes for the date.
Each day was hard, but with Mia’s support, I started to believe I could face whatever came next.
A week of hard work passed, and it felt like the longest week of my life. Every day at the restaurant was a struggle. My hands, once soft and unblemished, were now calloused from mopping floors and scrubbing grease off dirty dishes.
It seemed like everything was working against me. Plates always slipped from my grasp, buckets of water splashed over my shoes. Each time something went wrong, the manager was quick to pounce.
“Declan, can’t you do anything right?” he barked one afternoon as I fumbled with a tray of dirty dishes. “This isn’t a playground. You mess up again, and you’re out!”
I could feel the stares of the other employees burning into my back, but I just nodded, biting my tongue. My pride had already taken enough hits.
Outside, as I walked home from work, I heard kids running down the street, laughing loudly.
“Look at him!” one of them shouted, pointing at me. “He can’t even walk straight!”
They giggled as I stumbled, my feet dragging from exhaustion.
When I’d finally make it back to the shelter, I’d go straight to the shower. Every night, I collapsed onto the bed, too tired to even think, only to wake up and do it all over again the next day.
By the end of the week, payday came, and I eagerly opened the small envelope, hoping it would be enough to keep me going. But inside were only a few crumpled bills.
“That’s it?” I muttered, stunned.
The restaurant owner looked at me coldly.
“You’re homeless. And you’re an awful worker. Be glad I gave you anything at all.”
At that moment, I saw myself in the homeless man I had once insulted. I finally understood what it felt like to be treated as if you didn’t matter.
Despite everything I had been through, I decided to go on that long-promised date with Layla. I hoped she would see me for more than the wealth and status I used to flaunt.
I arrived at the café, my palms sweating. Layla walked in, her high heels clicking sharply against the floor. She was just as stunning as ever. Her eyes scanned me from head to toe.
“Declan,” she sighed, “I thought you’d at least show up in a decent suit. What happened to the car? I expected dinner at that fancy place downtown, not… this.”
She gestured around at the modest café, her voice dripping with frustration.
“I’m sorry, Layla. Things have changed for me. I don’t have the money I used to, but I thought maybe we could still…”
She cut me off, shaking her head.
“I’m not here to help you rebuild yourself, Declan. If you can’t offer me the life I deserve, then what’s the point?”
Her words were like a slap in the face, but they were also the truth I needed to hear. Layla wasn’t the woman I thought she was. She was just a reflection of my old shallow life built on appearances and material things.
After she left, I sat there for a few minutes, processing it all. In my old world, I would have been crushed, but now, I no longer needed to chase after someone who only valued me for money.
With the little money I had earned, I bought a box of pastries from a local bakery. As I walked through the park, I spotted the homeless man I had insulted weeks ago. I handed him the box.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “For how I treated you before. You didn’t deserve that.”
“We all have bad days,” he said simply, accepting the pastries.
His words lifted a bit of a weight off my shoulders. Then, with the last bit of cash I had, I bought a big bouquet of roses and headed to the shelter.
Mia was there, as always, helping others with a warm smile on her face. I handed her the flowers.
“Thank you, Mia. For everything. I don’t know where I’d be without your help. I was wondering… would you like to go for coffee with me sometime?”
Mia’s eyes lit up. “I’d love that, Declan.”
At that moment, I realized something I hadn’t understood before. Life isn’t about money or status, or how you look to others. It’s about the people who lift you up, who see you for who you really are, and help you become better.
My father appeared later that evening and admitted he had been watching me all along.
“I’m proud of you, son,” he said quietly. “Let’s go home.”
And for the first time, I felt like I had earned it.
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