Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
A Husband and Son Humiliate Mom, Treating Her Like a Servant – They Later Beg for Forgiveness on Their Knees
Prepare yourself for a tale of how one man took patriarchy to heart, turning our once-happy marriage into a blizzard of demands and orders. When our son started mimicking him, I knew I had to do something drastic! My story will have you shocked and angry at times, but the ending is worth it! Read on!
An upset and exhausted woman holding a cleaning rag | Source: Pexels
Hi everyone, my name is Samantha and I have a story to tell that I hope will inspire other married and non-married women. See, I work as a steamfitter and have been in a supervision role for a while, which allows me incentives and bonuses.
Besides all those extra benefits, I was earning more than $100 an hour! However, to earn that much meant I also had to work out of town, but it’s something I only started doing when our boy, Terry, was old enough to care for himself under my husband’s supervision.
A happy boy embracing his father | Source: Pixabay
Me earning so much meant our retirement savings were racking up, and we’ve been able to splurge on ourselves and the kids. I thought everything was fine between my husband and me, and he never made any special demands from me.
However, a few years ago, things started changing with Ben. I generally think it has something to do with the influence he’s been getting at work. See, my husband works with a team of sexist men who consider women as service personnel.
An unhappy man standing to the side while a woman happily works on a laptop | Source: Freepik
Their influence on Ben became visible in our fifth year of marriage when he started mocking me for not doing enough housework! He’d shifted his gaze upon me not as his partner but as his servant, even though I work too and earn MORE than him!
Our marriage, once a symphony of shared dreams and mutual respect, devolved into a series of expectations and dismissals. “It was as if overnight, he donned the cloak of patriarchy, echoing the archaic sentiments of his colleagues,” I mused, shocked by how things could change so quickly.
A messy kitchen left as is | Source: Flickr
What was even worse for me was that he liked throwing things around, leaving chaos in the kitchen before just lying down on the couch! However, what irritated me the most was that our son started COPYING him!
Knowing how hectic my work schedule was and wanting to find some peace at home, I told my husband to hire a cleaner, but he shocked me when he said, “NO! THAT’S YOUR JOB!”
I was fuming and frustrated by this new behavior and told him that in that case, I wouldn’t pay for anything because it was his job!
An overwhelmed and upset woman looking at a messy room | Source: Pexels
Last Saturday, I was at home with Terry and after having dinner, he got up without cleaning up after himself. My son, a mirror image of his father’s burgeoning disdain, challenged me. His words, sharp as knives, cut through the silence, “Clean this up and wash it.”
It was not just the mess he expected me to clean but the remnants of my dignity. I EXPLODED and with a voice that trembled with rage, I countered:
“Young man, believe me, you will apologize and clean up after yourself!” His retort was a cold, calculated echo of his father’s teachings, “No, it’s your responsibility.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!!!
A mother scolding her disobedient son | Source: Freepik
In anger, I replied, “I won’t lift a finger until you apologize!”
It was then, amid the chaos of unmet expectations, that Terry uttered the words that would become the catalyst for my departure, “Fine, Dad said that if you don’t do it, we will find another agreeable woman and will live with her!”
His last statement was the straw that broke the camel’s back! That night, as the moon bore witness, I made a choice that would alter the course of our lives forever!
An upset mother sitting away from a defiant boy | Source: Freepik
Tired of arguing with a child who was merely mimicking his father, I took a deep breath and calmly put everything away. I then packed my things and went to see my friend. She and I have long dreamed of going somewhere on vacation, and there couldn’t have been a better moment!
Venting to Natalie, I said, “Well, they decided that they’d find another woman to fill my shoes; let them go look.”
“You’re an inspiration, my friend. I wouldn’t be as brave as you are, but I support you all the way,” she replied.
Two women taking a walk and bonding | Source: Pixabay
For a whole week, I refused to answer any of Ben’s calls as I and Natalie enjoyed our well-deserved vacation time. My absence, a mirror reflecting their own follies back at them. My mother sometimes said that she communicated with him, and everything was fine, except for the fact that he cried asking for me and said he missed me.
Two weeks later, I returned from my self-imposed exile but went to my mother’s place as I was still not ready to go home. I’m assuming my mother informed Ben of my return because the following day, he and Terry arrived at our doorstep.
A couple looking at each other with balloons in the background | Source: Freepik
The pair pitched with gifts and balloons, and both of them were on their knees at the door asking for forgiveness! Hmmm, I thought with a wry smile playing on my lips, “It’s probably not so easy to find some woman.”
The change in them was palpable, like the calm after a storm…they became like silk, gliding smoothly to accommodate any of my needs, and I literally couldn’t get enough of it! My home, once a battleground, transformed into a sanctuary of respect and shared duties.
A man and a boy happily cleaning together | Source: Flickr
My husband and son, now allies in our shared journey, had learned the value of respect and the irreplaceable nature of my presence in their lives. It seemed to me that not even a speck of dust had time to fall before they were already wiping it away with a ladder in hand!
Apparently, “sometimes people need to be brought down to earth,” I realized. Although our journey was fraught with pain and enlightenment, it served as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of respect and love.
A woman smiling while a man playfully holds cleaning materials | Source: Freepik
In the end, we found not just forgiveness but a new way forward, a path paved with mutual respect and shared responsibilities. My story, a beacon for those navigating the tempestuous waters of personal upheaval, stands as a testament to the enduring power of self-respect and the unyielding strength of the human heart.
A happy woman relaxing on a couch | Source: Pexels
Samantha’s story showed how resilient women can be when they apply their boundaries. In the following story, this woman takes a harsh step against patriarchy:
Jenna’s tale unfolds—a narrative steeped in the struggle for respect, love, and self-worth. On a weekend that promised nothing out of the ordinary, filled with the usual humdrum of chores and work, a simmering pot of pasta became the unlikely catalyst for a turning point in Jenna and Jimmy’s marriage.
A woman about to taste a dish she prepared | Source: Freepik
Jenna, a nurse by profession, faced constant criticism from her husband, whose playful demeanor often bordered on the hurtful. From comments on her appearance to the quality of her cooking, Jimmy left no stone unturned in expressing his dissatisfaction.
But it was his sarcastic remark about her latest culinary effort that spilled over, leading Jenna to a moment of rebellion, marked by a pot of pasta sauce splattered across the floor. His reaction, focused more on the mess than on Jenna’s feelings, only fueled the fire!
A couple arguing while seated on a couch | Source: Pexels
He attempted to lighten the mood by claiming his reaction was a joke from a TikTok trend but did little to mend the rift, revealing a deeper issue in their relationship—a lack of genuine respect and understanding. Determined to stand up for herself, Jenna embarked on a daring plan of revenge.
Her plan unfolded in stages of silent protest, culminating in a dramatic exposé of Jimmy’s fraudulent activities! This act of defiance was Jenna’s declaration of independence, a bold step towards reclaiming her dignity and self-respect!
A proud woman laying her head on her arms | Source: Pixabay
In the end, her journey is not just about the breakdown of a marriage but about the discovery of self-worth and the courage to demand respect. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the most challenging conflicts can lead us to a place of greater strength and clarity.
As Jenna steps into a future filled with promise, her story is a testament to the power of standing up for oneself and the transformative potential of asserting one’s value in the face of adversity!
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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