When I saw the cruel message scrawled on my recovering grandpa’s dusty car, I was livid. But uncovering the culprit’s identity was just the beginning. What I did next would teach this entitled neighbor a lesson she’d never forget.
Two months ago, I was at work when my phone rang. It was Mom.
“Meg, it’s Grandpa,” she barely managed to speak. “He’s in the hospital. He—”
“What? Hospital?” I cut her off, totally blindsided. “What happened?”
A woman talking on the phone at work | Source: Pexels
“He had a heart attack,” Mom continued in her shaky voice. “We gotta go see him.”
“Oh my God, Mom, is he okay?”
“I don’t know, Meg…”
“I’ll be there as fast as I can, Mom,” I replied as I quickly logged out of my work email.
The thing is, Grandpa Alvin is my rock, my confidant, and my favorite person in the world. It won’t be wrong to say that I love him more than Mom. Shh! It’s a secret!
An older man standing in his house | Source: Midjourney
And that phone call from Mom had turned my world upside down. I could literally feel a knot in my stomach as I rushed out of my office after informing my boss about Grandpa’s condition.
The drive home from my workplace is a blur. I don’t remember how I got there, but I quickly picked Mom up before we rushed to the hospital.
The drive from our house to the hospital was about 45 minutes long. And let me tell you, those were the longest, most painful 45 minutes of my life. Mom kept crying the entire time, while I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest.
Once we reached there, a nurse told us that Grandpa was in the operating room. After what felt like an eternity, the doctor came out.
A close-up shot of a doctor’s arms crossed on his chest | Source: Pexels
“The surgery was successful, but he needs rest and care,” he told us. “He needs to eat a heart-healthy diet, low in salt and saturated fats. Regular, gentle exercise is crucial. And absolutely no stress.”
“Alright, doc,” I nodded. “But when can we see him?”
“Is he really okay?” Mom asked impatiently.
“Don’t worry,” the doctor reassured her. “He’s resting comfortably now. The nurses will let you know when it’s a good time to visit.”
A doctor talking to a woman | Source: Midjourney
Grandpa was allowed to go home a few days later, but there was a problem. He lives in another town, and we couldn’t visit him every day to look after him.
As a result, we hired a full-time nurse.
She was a godsend, agreeing to cook for him too. For two months, Grandpa didn’t leave his apartment and focused solely on his recovery.
Last week, I realized it had been too long since I’d seen him.
A woman sitting on a chair, thinking | Source: Midjourney
“Mom,” I said over breakfast, “I’m going to visit Grandpa this weekend. Wanna come?”
Her eyes lit up.
“That’s a wonderful idea, honey,” she smiled. “I’ll come with you. He’ll be so happy to see us!”
“Perfect!” I said before I took a bite of my scrambled eggs.
On Saturday, I woke up early, bought a bouquet of Grandpa’s favorite bright yellow sunflowers, and drove all the way to his place with Mom.
I couldn’t wait to meet him and see his face light up. I was expecting a day full of Grandpa’s stories, unaware of what was waiting for us there.
As we pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex, I spotted his old, beat-up car. It was covered with a thick layer of dust, clearly proving he hadn’t driven it since getting sick.
But as we got closer, something made my blood boil.
A woman in a car | Source: Midjourney
Someone had left a message on the rear windscreen. It seemed like they had written it using their finger. It looked fresh.
The message read, “YOU ARE A DIRTY PIG! CLEAN UP YOUR CAR OR GET OUT OF THE COMMUNITY. SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!”
I was absolutely furious. How could someone be so cruel to an old man who’s been too sick to even get out of bed, let alone clean his car?
A woman in a car, looking angry | Source: Midjourney
“Oh my God,” Mom gasped. “Who would do such a thing?”
I clenched my fists. I could feel my cheeks burn with rage.
“Some entitled jerk with nothing better to do than harass a sick old man, that’s who.”
Then, I felt Mom’s soft hand on my arm.
“Honey, calm down,” she said. “Let’s not upset your grandfather.”
I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself.
“You’re right. Let’s go see him.”
A parking lot of an apartment complex | Source: Pexels
We quickly headed up to Grandpa’s apartment. I rang the bell, waiting for him to open the door.
“My girls!” he smiled from ear to ear. “What a wonderful surprise!”
“Grandpa!” I hugged him tight. “You look so good! So handsome!”
“Well, of course I do!” he chuckled. “When have I ever not looked handsome? Even in my hospital gown, I was turning heads left and right!”
An older man in his house, smiling | Source: Midjourney
As we headed inside, I couldn’t stop thinking of the cruel message on his car. I couldn’t erase that image from my mind.
“Megan? Are you listening, sweetheart?” Grandpa’s voice snapped me back to reality.
“Sorry, Grandpa. I was just… thinking. How are you feeling?”
We chatted for a while, but my mind kept drifting to that message. I needed to do something about it.
“Hey, I need to take care of something real quick,” I said, standing up. “Mom, can you stay with Grandpa? I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
A woman talking to her mother | Source: Midjourney
“Sure, honey,” Mom said.
In no time, I headed down to the security office near the entrance, where I met a bored-looking guy sitting behind the desk.
“Excuse me,” I said. “I need to see the security camera footage from the parking lot.”
He raised an eyebrow as he straightened his back.
“Sorry, ma’am. We can’t just show that to anyone who asks.”
A security guard | Source: Midjourney
I leaned in, lowering my voice.
“Look, my grandfather lives here. He’s been very ill, and someone vandalized his car with a horrible message. I need to know who did it.”
The guard hesitated, then nodded.
“Alright, just this once.”
We reviewed the footage from the last few days when I suddenly saw an older, snooty-looking woman, heading towards Grandpa’s car. She took her sweet time to write that awful message on his car.
An older woman standing near a black car | Source: Midjourney
“Who is this?” I asked the guard.
“That’s Briana from 4C,” he said. “Always causing trouble.”
I thanked him and turned to leave, but he stopped me.
“Wait, there’s something else. I overheard some of the neighbors talking in the lobby last week. Apparently, this Briana woman has been giving your grandfather a hard time for months now.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
He scratched his chin thoughtfully.
A security guard talking to a woman | Source: Midjourney
“Well, they were saying she’s been complaining about every little thing. Like, she’d make a fuss if his newspaper was left out too long, or if his welcome mat wasn’t perfectly straight. One of the ladies even mentioned that Briana tried to get your grandpa fined for having a potted plant that was ‘an unapproved color’ or something ridiculous like that.”
“Are you serious? Why hasn’t anyone done anything about this?”
“Most folks just try to avoid her, I guess,” he shrugged.
“Your grandpa’s too nice to make a big deal out of it. But between you and me, I think everyone’s getting pretty fed up with her attitude.”
Yeah, my grandpa’s nice, but I’m not, I thought to myself before marching straight to Briana’s apartment.
The door opened soon after I knocked on it.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“I’m Alvin’s granddaughter,” I said, struggling to keep my voice steady. “I saw what you wrote on his car. You have no right to humiliate him like that!”
A young woman talking to her grandfather’s neighbor | Source: Midjourney
“I don’t care,” she shrugged. “If he can’t keep up with community standards, maybe he shouldn’t be living here.”
And with that, she slammed the door in my face.
I was livid. It was clear that talking to her wasn’t going to get anywhere, so I decided to handle it my own way. I came up with a plan to teach her a lesson. All I needed was a roll of duct tape and a paper with evidence.
A woman leaving a building | Source: Midjourney
The next day, I took a screenshot of the security camera footage, ensuring Briana’s face was clear, and got it printed. Then, in big, bold letters, I wrote: “SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! Lady from Apt 4C is abusing elderly neighbors.”
I taped that sign right in the elevator where everyone would see it. It was crystal clear who she was and what she’d done.
Within a day, the whole building was buzzing.
My neighbor kept hanging out her panties in front of my son’s window, so I taught her a real lesson
For weeks, my neighbor’s underpants stole the spotlight outside my 8-year-old son’s window. When he naively questioned if her thongs were slingshots, I decided it was time to put an end to this panty parade and teach her a valuable lesson in laundry etiquette.
Ah, suburbia! The grass is usually greener on the other side, mostly because your neighbor’s sprinkler system is superior to yours. That’s where I, Thompson’s wife Kristie, opted to establish roots with my 8-year-old son Jake. Life was as smooth as a freshly botoxed forehead until Lisa, our new neighbor, came in next door.
It began on Tuesday. I remember because it was wash day, and I was folding a mountain of tiny superhero underwear, courtesy of Jake’s recent obsession.
Looking out his bedroom window, I almost choked on my coffee. A pair of hot pink, lace underwear flew in the breeze like the world’s most indecent flag.
And they were not alone. Oh no, they were not alone — a full rainbow of underpants was dancing in the breeze in front of my son’s window.
“Holy guacamole,” I muttered, dropping a pair of Batman briefs. “Is this a laundry line or Victoria’s Secret runway?”
Jake’s voice piped up behind me, “Mom, why does Mrs. Lisa have her underwear outside?”
My face burned hotter than my malfunctioning dryer. “Uh, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa just… really likes fresh air. Why don’t we close these curtains, huh? Give the laundry some privacy.”
“But Mom,” Jake persisted, his eyes wide with innocent curiosity, “if Mrs. Lisa’s underwear likes fresh air, shouldn’t mine go outside too? Maybe my Hulk undies could make friends with her pink ones!”
I held back a laugh that threatened to blossom into a wild sob. “Honey, your underwear is… shy. It prefers to stay inside where it’s cozy.”
As I ushered Jake out, I couldn’t resist thinking, “Welcome to the neighborhood, Kristie. Hope you brought your sense of humor and a sturdy pair of curtains.”
Days stretched into weeks, and Lisa’s laundry service became as routine as my daily coffee, and as welcoming as a cold cup of coffee with a splash of curdled milk.
Every day, a new set of panties appeared outside my son’s window, and I found myself playing the awkward game of “shield the child’s eyes.”
One afternoon, while I was cooking a snack in the kitchen, Jake burst in, his face etched with bewilderment and eagerness, making my mom-sense prickle with fear.
“Mom,” he started, in that tone that always preceded a question I wasn’t prepared for, “why does Mrs. Lisa have so many different colored underwear? And why are some of them so small? With strings? Are they for her pet hamster?”
I almost dropped the knife I was using to spread peanut butter, picturing Lisa’s response at being told her delicates were rodent-sized.
“Well, honey,” I stammered, buying time, “everyone has different preferences for their clothes. Even the ones we don’t usually see.”
Jake nodded sagely as if I’d imparted some great wisdom. “So, it’s like how I like my superhero underwear, but grown-up? Does Mrs. Lisa fight crime at night? Is that why her underwear is so small? For aerodynamics?”
I choked on air, caught between laughter and horror. “Uh, not exactly, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa isn’t a superhero. She’s just very confident.”
“Oh,” Jake replied, little disappointed. Then his face brightened up again.
“But Mom, if Mrs. Lisa can hang her underwear outside, can I hang mine too? I bet my Captain America boxers would look super cool flapping in the wind!”
“Sorry, buddy,” I said, ruffling his hair. “Your underwear is special. It needs to stay hidden to, uh, protect your secret identity.”
As Jake nodded and munched on his lunch, I looked out the window at Lisa’s colorful underwear display.
This could not continue on. It was time to talk with our exhibitionist neighbor. ?.
The following day, I marched over to Lisa’s place.
I rang the doorbell, flashing my best “concerned neighbor” smile, the same one I use to assure the HOA that “no, my garden gnomes are not offensive, they’re whimsical.”
Lisa responded, appearing as if she had just come out of a shampoo advertisement.
“Oh, hi there! Kristie, right?” she frowned.
“That’s right! Listen, Lisa, I hoped we could chat about something.”
She leaned against the doorframe, eyebrow raised. “Oh? What’s on your mind? Need to borrow a cup of sugar? Or maybe a cup of confidence?” She glanced pointedly at my mom jeans and oversized t-shirt.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that jail orange is not my color. “It’s about your laundry. Specifically, where you hang it.”
Lisa’s flawlessly groomed brows furrowed. “My laundry? What about it? Is it too fashion-forward for the neighborhood?”
“Well, it’s just that it’s right in front of my son’s window. The, um, underwear especially. It’s a bit exposing. Jake’s starting to ask questions. Yesterday, he asked if your thongs were slingshots.”
“Oh, honey. They’re just clothes! It’s not like I’m hanging up nuclear launch codes. Although, between you and me, my leopard print bikini bottoms are pretty explosive!”
I felt my eye twitch. “I understand, but Jake is only eight. He’s curious. This morning, he asked if he could hang his Superman undies next to your, uh, ‘crime-fighting gear’.”
“Well, then, sounds like a perfect opportunity for some education. You’re welcome! I’m practically running a public service here. And why should I care about your son? It’s my yard. Toughen up!”
“Excuse me?”
Lisa waved her hand dismissively. “Listen, if you’re that bothered by a few pairs of panties, maybe you need to loosen up. It’s my yard, my rules. Deal with it. Or better yet, buy some cuter underwear. I could give you some tips if you’d like.”
And with that, she slammed the door in my face, leaving me standing there with my mouth open, likely gathering flies.
I was stunned. “Oh, it is ON,” I muttered, turning on my heel. “You want to play dirty laundry? Game on, Lisa. Game. On.” ?
That night, I sat at my sewing machine.
Yards of the most gaudy, eye-searing cloth I could locate sat before me. It was the type of cloth that could be seen from space and perhaps even attract alien life forms!
“You think your little lacy numbers are something to see, Lisa?” I muttered, feeding the fabric through the machine. “Wait till you get a load of this. E.T. will phone home about these babies.”
After hours, I finished creating the world’s largest and most irritating pair of granny panties. ?
They were large enough to serve as a parachute, loud enough to be heard from space, and just insignificant enough to prove my argument.
If Lisa’s underwear was a whisper, mine was a fabric-covered foghorn.
That afternoon, as soon as I saw Lisa’s car leave her driveway, I sprung into action.
With my improvised clothesline and gigantic flamingo underpants ready, I dashed across our lawns, ducking between plants and lawn ornaments.
With the coast clear, I hung my handiwork just in front of Lisa’s living room window. Stepping back to examine my work, I couldn’t help but smile.
The enormous flamingo undies fluttered gloriously in the afternoon air. They were so enormous that a family of four could certainly use them as a tent while camping.
“Take that, Lisa,” I whispered, scurrying back home. “Let’s see how you like a taste of your own medicine. Hope you brought your sunglasses, because it’s about to get BRIGHT in the neighborhood.”
Back at home, I took up a position beside the window. I felt like a kid waiting for Santa, but instead of gifts, I was waiting for Lisa to uncover my small surprise.
The minutes passed like hours.
Just as I was wondering if Lisa had chosen to turn her errands into a surprise holiday, I heard the familiar sound of her car approaching the driveway.
It’s show time.
Lisa stepped outside, arms full of shopping bags, and froze. Her mouth dropped so quickly, I thought it could detach. The bags slid from her fingers, scattering their contents across the driveway.
I swear I spotted a pair of polka-dot panties rolling across the yard. Lisa, you are so classy.
“WHAT THE HELL…??” she screeched, loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. “Is that a parachute? Did the circus come to town?”
I burst into laughter. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I watched Lisa dash up to the enormous undies and grab at them futilely. It was like witnessing a chihuahua attempt to take down a Great Dane.
Composing myself, I strolled outside. “Oh, hi Lisa! Doing some redecorating? I love what you’ve done with the place. Very avant-garde.”
She whirled on me, face as pink as the undies of my creation. “You! You did this! What is wrong with you? Are you trying to signal aircraft?”
I shrugged. “Just hanging out some laundry. Isn’t that what neighbors do? I thought we were starting a trend.”
“This isn’t laundry!” Lisa shrieked, gesturing wildly at the undies. “This is… this is…”
“A learning opportunity?” I suggested sweetly. “You know, for the neighborhood kids. Jake was very curious about the aerodynamics of underwear. I thought a practical demonstration might help.”
Lisa’s mouth expanded and closed, like a fish out of water. Finally, she sputtered, “Take. It. Down.”
I tapped my chin thoughtfully. “Hmm, I don’t know. I kind of like the breeze it’s getting. Really airs things out, you know? Plus, I think it’s bringing the property values up. Nothing says ‘classy neighborhood’ like giant novelty underwear.”
For a moment, I thought Lisa might spontaneously combust. Then, to my surprise, her shoulders sagged. “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “You win. I’ll move my laundry. Just… please, take this monstrosity down. My retinas are burning.”
I chuckled, extending my hand. “Deal. But I have to say, I think flamingos are your color.”
As we shook on it, I couldn’t help but add, “By the way, Lisa? Welcome to the neighborhood. We’re all a little crazy here. Some of us just hide it better than others.”
Lisa’s laundry has been missing from the clothesline in front of Jake’s window since that day. She never addressed it again, and I never had to cope with her “life lessons” either.
And me? Let’s just say I now have a really unusual set of curtains made of flamingo fabric. Don’t waste, don’t want, right?
Jake was slightly bummed that the “underwear slingshots” were no longer available. But I informed him that sometimes being a superhero entails keeping your undergarments a secret. What if he ever sees huge flamingo undies flying through the sky? Mom is protecting the neighborhood with outrageous pranks! ?
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