For most people, their first home isn’t their dream home. It starts off nice enough. But as time goes by and your family grows, starter homes tend to get a little . . . cramped.
But don’t hate on your current home too much. Because while it gave you a safe and dry place to lay your head at night, it was also setting you up to own your dream home someday.
We’ll show you how it all works and walk you through the steps that’ll get you in your dream home—one you can actually afford!
How to Get Your Dream Home in 5 Steps
Here are the steps:
- Follow the Financial Basics
- Find Out How Much Equity You Have
- Set Your New Home-Buying Budget
- Find the Right Dream Home for You
- Be Picky and Patient
Now let’s cover each step in more detail.
Step 1: Follow the Financial Basics
First thing’s first—you have to get out of debt, get on a budget, and build up an emergency fund of 3–6 months of expenses. Sounds pretty basic, right? If you haven’t completed these steps, then you’re not ready to upgrade to your dream home . . . yet.
Now, when you’ve got house fever, it can be hard to focus on paying off debt or saving an emergency fund before you upgrade your home—especially when you’re feeling the pressure of rising home prices and interest rates.
But whether it’s your second or third house, you should only buy a home when you’ve covered the financial basics we mentioned above. Then you’ll be ready to start the journey toward owning your dream house.
And that journey starts with your home equity. What’s equity? Well, we’re glad you asked . . . that brings us to the next step.
Step 2: Find Out How Much Equity You Have
Home equity is a pretty simple concept: It’s your current home’s value minus whatever you still owe on your mortgage.
See, in most cases, your home’s value increases over time. Similar to other long-term investments (like retirement accounts), homes gradually increase in value. There have been periods of ups and downs in the market to be sure, but the value of real estate has consistently gone up. According to the St. Louis Federal Reserve, the average sale price of a home has increased over 2,300% from 1965 to 2023! And in the last ten years (2013 to 2023), there’s been a 68% increase.1 As your home increases in value, so does your equity. In real estate terms, this is called appreciation.
Other factors that increase your home’s equity include:
- Added value: Home improvement projects like adding square footage, updating fixtures and appliances, or even just slapping on a new coat of paint can add value to your home.
- Mortgage paydown: Paying down your mortgage not only gets you out of debt faster, it also builds your equity. The less you owe on your home, the more equity you have.
The amount of equity you have gives you a pretty good idea of how much money you’ll end up with after selling your house. You can use that money to make a hefty down payment and cover the other costs that come with buying a home.
Find expert agents to help you buy your home.
So, how do you determine your home’s value? Well, you can get a ballpark estimate on real estate websites like Zillow, ask a trusted real estate agent to perform a competitive market analysis (which they’ll do anyway if they’re helping you sell your house), or get a professional appraisal.
Finding out your home’s equity will involve a little math, but it’s third-grade-level stuff, so don’t sweat it.
Here’s what we mean. Let’s say your home’s current value is $355,000. When you sell that house, you’ll have to pay for between 1–3% of the sale price in closing costs, another 6% in fees for the real estate agent who helped you sell it, and whatever’s left to pay off on your mortgage.
That means you can estimate clearing over $223,000 from selling your house. That’s a killer down payment on your dream home! And if your home is paid off, that’s even more money to put down and use to pay for things like repairs and moving expenses.
Step 3: Set Your Dream Home Budget
Once you know how much you’ll clear from the sale of your home, you can start making a budget for your dream home.
The key to owning your dream home (instead of it owning you) is to keep your mortgage payment to no more than 25% of your take-home pay on a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage, along with paying a down payment of at least 20% to avoid private mortgage insurance (PMI). Never get a 30-year mortgage even if the bank offers it (and they will). You’d pay a fortune in interest—money that should go toward building your wealth, not the bank’s.
So, let’s say your take-home pay is $4,800 a month. That means your monthly mortgage payment shouldn’t be any bigger than $1,200. By the way, that 25% figure should also include other home fees collected every month with the mortgage payment like homeowners association (HOA) fees, insurance premiums and property taxes.
Plug your numbers into our mortgage calculator to see how much house you can afford.
And don’t forget to budget for all those other costs that come with the home-buying process in addition to your closing fees—things like moving expenses and any upgrades or repairs you might need to make. You don’t want these hidden costs to catch you off guard or drain your emergency fund.
Step 4: Find the Right Dream Home for You
This is where things get real. After all your hard work building up your equity (and doing a lot of math—don’t forget that), you’re finally ready to start the house hunt. Woo-hoo!
But don’t lose focus. Stay zoned in by making a list of features that make a home fit your budget, lifestyle and dreams—and stick to it throughout your house hunt. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
- Don’t compromise on location and layout. If you plan to be in this home for the long haul, an out-of-the-way neighborhood or a wacky floor plan is a deal breaker. Look for a community and layout that’ll suit your lifestyle now and for years to come.
- Think about how much space your family needs. While your budget has the final say about how much home you buy, you’ll want your dream home to fit your family’s needs through different life seasons.
- Consider the school districts. If you have or want kids, the quality of the nearby school districts is probably already on your mind. But even if you don’t have kids or you’re retired, keep in mind that having good schools nearby could increase your home’s value.
- Look for a house that’ll grow in value. Are home values rising in the area? Is the number of businesses going up? These factors can help you figure out whether your dream home will turn into a good investment.
- Count the costs. Want that fancy master bathroom with the multiple showerheads and the Jacuzzi tub? Be clear on what’s a must-have and what’s nice to have. And don’t forget, upgraded features like that will make your dream home more expensive.
Step 5: Be Picky and Patient
We know you’re anxious to get into those new digs, but be patient. Wait for the right house at the right time. Don’t spend your money on a less-than-ideal home just because you’re tired of looking.
The key is finding a good real estate agent who understands your budget and refuses to settle for “good enough.” They’re as committed to your dream as you are and will have your back throughout the entire process, no matter what it takes.
In addition to teaming up with a great real estate agent, you can take a couple of extra steps to make sure you’re ready to strike as soon as the right home comes up:
- Get preapproved for a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage. Having preapproved financing is a green flag for sellers—especially in multiple offer situations. And because this puts most of your information in the lender’s system, you’ll be on the fast track to closing once your offer is accepted.
- Offer earnest money with your bid. Earnest money is a deposit to show you’re truly interested in a home. Usually it’s 1–2% of the home’s purchase price and it’s applied to your down payment or closing costs. Even if the deal falls through, you can almost always get most of it back.
Find a Real Estate Expert in Your Local Market
Now, you might be thinking you have some work to do before you’re ready to find your dream home. Or you may be realizing your years of hard work are about to pay off! Regardless, if you follow these steps, you’ll find the house you’ve always wanted and avoid a purchase you’ll regret.
Once you’re ready, connect with one of our RamseyTrusted real estate agents. These are high-performing agents who do business the Ramsey way and share your values so you can rest easy knowing the search for your dream home is in the right hands.
Find the only real estate agents in your area we trust, and start the hunt for your dream home!
My Boyfriend Insisted That I Take 2 Showers a Day – His Odd Request Became Clear When I Met His Mother
Sophie thought she found the perfect partner in Jacob until a bizarre request exposed a web of manipulation, leading her on a journey of self-discovery and confrontation with eccentric family secrets.
As I reflect on the journey that led me to where I am today, I find myself reminiscing about a time filled with shared moments and seemingly perfect companionship. My name is Sophie, I’m 32 years old, and it was during this chapter of my life that I found myself entwined with Jacob, a man whose intelligence and diligence initially caught my eye. Our relationship blossomed through a series of shared interests and experiences that brought us close, creating a tapestry of memories that I hold dear.
Sophie and Jacob | Source: Midjourney
Jacob and I met in a way that felt like something out of a romantic novel, our paths crossing at a mutual friend’s gathering. He was someone who prided himself on his career stability and his ability to maintain a well-ordered life, traits that resonated with me.
Our connection was instant, and it wasn’t long before we discovered our mutual love for the great outdoors, our passion for culinary adventures, and our fondness for the nostalgic charm of old movies.
Jacob and Sophie cooking | Source: Midjourney
Weekends with Jacob were something I eagerly anticipated. We would venture into the serenity of nature, hiking through trails that painted a backdrop of scenic vistas and tranquil landscapes, losing ourselves in the beauty of the moment.
These excursions into nature were not just about the physical activity but also about the shared silence and unspoken understanding that developed between us.
Jacob and Sophie | Source: Midjourney
Our culinary experiments during weekday evenings became a ritual. The kitchen was our playground, where we explored new recipes, laughed at our culinary missteps, and enjoyed the fruits of our labor. These moments were filled with playful banter and a sense of teamwork that made even the simplest meals feel like a feast.
Jacob and Sophia having family time | Source: Midjourney
The end of the day often found us nestled on the couch, immersed in the flickering glow of classic films that transported us to bygone eras. Wrapped in the comfort of each other’s presence, we shared critiques and laughter, dissecting plotlines and performances, making each viewing a unique experience.
Sophie and Jacob watching a movie | Source: Midjourney
In those days, Jacob and I wove a fabric of companionship that felt both comforting and exhilarating. Our relationship was a mosaic of the mundane and the extraordinary, creating a sense of completeness.
These shared moments were the foundation of our bond, a testament to the joy and connection we found in each other’s company. Reflecting on these times, I realize they were not just about the activities we did together but about the intimacy and partnership that blossomed between us.
Sophia dreaming about her future | Source: Midjourney
During a quiet evening at home, the comfort and familiarity of our shared space around us, Jacob brought up something that took me by surprise, altering the course of our relationship. We were settled in our usual spots, me curled up with a book and him browsing through his laptop, the soft hum of the evening lending a serene backdrop to what I assumed would be another peaceful night together.
Jacob working on his laptop | Source: Midjourney
The conversation began innocently enough, with casual talk about our day and some light-hearted banter. However, I could sense a shift in Jacob’s demeanor as he closed his laptop and turned to face me with a seriousness I hadn’t often seen in him. He hesitated, seemingly searching for the right words, which was unlike him. Jacob was usually direct and confident in his communication, but that night, there was a noticeable unease about him.
Sophie listens to Jacob | Source: Midjourney
“Sophie,” he started, his voice lower than usual, betraying a hint of awkwardness, “I’m struggling to fully commit to you because there’s something that bothers me.” My heart skipped a beat, fearing the worst. Was he unhappy with our relationship? Did he have second thoughts about us? Numerous scenarios raced through my mind in those few seconds of silence that followed.
Jacob asking Sophie to bathe more often | Source: Midjourney
Then he continued, “It’s a bit awkward, but would you be willing to shower more often?” I was stunned into silence, my mind trying to process the request. Shower more often? I was perplexed and somewhat embarrassed. I showered daily, maintaining what I believed to be good personal hygiene. Why would he ask this of me?
Sophie listens to Jacob | Source: Midjourney
Jacob, noticing my confusion, elaborated on his point. He spoke about his high standards for cleanliness and how it was something he couldn’t compromise on. According to him, showering twice a day would help alleviate some of the discomfort he felt in our relationship. The unusual request left me bewildered, but seeing how earnestly he presented his case, I found myself nodding in agreement, albeit with a sense of reluctance.
Jacob explaining his point | Source: Midjourney
That night, after our conversation, I lay awake, pondering over the request. It seemed such a trivial thing to fixate on, yet for Jacob, it was significant enough to bring up with such gravity. I questioned whether this was a red flag or simply a peculiar quirk I needed to accommodate.
Sophie doubting herself in the bathroom | Source: Midjourney
Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, I resolved to adhere to his request, unaware of how this seemingly minor adjustment would later unravel into a series of events that challenged my self-worth and understanding of our relationship.
Adjusting to a new routine, especially one as personal as hygiene, was not something I anticipated facing in my relationship with Jacob. Yet, there I was, integrating an additional shower into my daily schedule, all in an effort to appease his concerns.
Sophie adds an additional shower to her schedule | Source: Midjourney
This adaptation, though seemingly minor, brought a sense of unease into my life. Each day, as I meticulously planned my morning and evening to include the extra showers, I couldn’t help but feel a growing discomfort with the situation.
My mornings began earlier than usual to accommodate the additional shower, followed by a meticulous selection of outfits that would hopefully meet Jacob’s approval. The evenings, too, were punctuated by this new routine, with showers becoming more of a chore than a refreshing necessity.
An array of body washes and scrubs | Source: Midjourney
I invested in various scented body washes, deodorants, and powders, hoping to eradicate any hint of the odor Jacob found so troubling. Despite these efforts, a part of me felt increasingly self-conscious, constantly wondering if I was meeting his cleanliness standards.
The real turning point, however, came during one of our quiet evenings together. After several weeks of adhering to this intensified hygiene regimen, Jacob sat me down for another serious talk. The apprehension in his eyes was a clear precursor to the discomforting conversation that followed.
Jacob initiates another conversation | Source: Midjourney
“Soph, I really like you, but the showering isn’t helping,” he confessed. His next words felt like a blow to my self-esteem. He hesitated before revealing the crux of the matter: “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I asked you to shower more because you have a body odor issue.”
Jacob explains the problem | Source: Midjourney
Hearing Jacob articulate what he perceived as a body odor problem was mortifying. No one had ever brought up such a concern before, and I had never noticed anything myself. His words sent me into a spiral of self-doubt and embarrassment. Here I was, making significant changes to my daily routine, only to find out the problem, as he saw it, was still unresolved.
Sophia realizes the problem | Source: Midjourney
The shock of Jacob’s blunt assessment lingered long after our conversation. I found myself obsessively researching body odor causes, treatments, and remedies. My personal care products became more specialized and expensive, as I sought out anything that promised to eliminate even the slightest hint of odor. Despite these efforts, the underlying issue remained—a growing chasm between my perception of myself and Jacob’s feedback.
Sophie nearly goes insane with all the body hair products | Source: Midjourney
This phase of my life, marked by an intense focus on hygiene and an overwhelming desire to meet Jacob’s standards, was draining. It led to moments of deep reflection and questioning, not just about our relationship, but about my own self-worth and the extent to which I was willing to go to satisfy someone else’s demands.
Sophie questioning her self-worth | Source: Midjourney
Sitting in Dr. Lewis’s office, I felt a mixture of anxiety and hope. After months of adapting my life to address Jacob’s concerns about my hygiene, I was at a breaking point. The constant worry about my supposed body odor had taken a toll on my mental well-being, and I needed professional reassurance.
Sophie at the doctor’s | Source: Midjourney
As I shared my story with Dr. Lewis, detailing the changes I had made to my daily routine and Jacob’s persistent complaints, I noticed her expression shift from professional concern to genuine bewilderment.
“Sophie, I can’t detect any odor,” she stated frankly, her voice laced with sincerity. This simple observation should have comforted me, but instead, it unleashed a torrent of emotions. I had been so engulfed in Jacob’s perception of me that I lost touch with reality, questioning my own senses.
Dr. Lewis explains her thoughts to Sophie | Source: Midjourney
The doctor’s words, meant to reassure, only intensified my confusion and self-doubt. Driven by a need for concrete answers, I tearfully requested a series of tests, desperate to uncover any underlying medical condition that could be causing the alleged odor.
Dr. Lewis, understanding and empathetic, agreed to my request. The subsequent tests were thorough, covering a range of potential causes, from metabolic disorders to hormonal imbalances. Waiting for the results was agonizing. Each passing day, I oscillated between hope and despair, yearning for an explanation that would validate my experiences and end this perplexing chapter of my life.
Sophie waits for the test results | Source: Midjourney
When the results finally came, they were unequivocal: I was in perfect health, with no medical issues that could be causing an odor. This revelation, while relieving, plunged me into a deeper state of introspection. If there was no medical basis for Jacob’s claims, what did that say about our relationship? About his perceptions? Or more disturbingly, about his intentions?
Shocked Sophie | Source: Midjourney
The doctor’s office, a place I sought refuge and answers, became the ground where my doubts about Jacob’s claims took root. It dawned on me that the problem might not lie with me but with Jacob’s perception or perhaps a deeper issue within him.
Sophie Doubts her relationship with Jacob | Source: Midjourney
This visit to Dr. Lewis marked a significant turning point in my journey, shifting my narrative from one of self-blame to self-awareness. It was here that I began to untangle the web of confusion and doubt spun by Jacob’s words, setting the stage for a profound reevaluation of our relationship and, more importantly, of my self-worth.
Sophie rethinks her relationship | Source: Midjourney
The invitation to meet Jacob’s parents came at a time when my emotions were a whirlwind of confusion and self-doubt. After the visit to Dr. Lewis and the confirmation of my health, one would think my concerns would be alleviated.
Yet, the shadow of Jacob’s remarks about my supposed body odor still loomed large over me. It was in this tumultuous state of mind that Jacob approached me with what he seemed to consider a significant step forward in our relationship.
Sophie feels exhausted from Jacob’s demands | Source: Midjourney
“We should have dinner with my parents,” Jacob suggested one evening, his tone casual yet laced with an undercurrent of anticipation. The thought of meeting his parents under normal circumstances would have been nerve-wracking enough, but given the recent tensions and my heightened insecurities, the prospect felt daunting.
Jacob invites Sophie to see his parents | Source: Midjourney
Despite my apprehensions, Jacob seemed oblivious to the depth of my turmoil. He spoke of the dinner as a positive development, a chance for me to be formally introduced to his family. “They’re really looking forward to meeting you,” he assured me, his words meant to offer comfort. However, instead of easing my nerves, they only intensified my anxiety. How could I sit through a meal with his family, knowing that Jacob had raised such personal concerns about me?
Sophie and Jacob discussing his offer | Source: Midjourney
The day of the dinner with Jacob’s parents finally arrived, and with it, a storm of anxiety and anticipation swirled within me. The setting was Jacob’s childhood home, a place he often spoke of with fondness, yet now approached with a mixture of excitement and trepidation. As we drove to his parents’ house, the evening air felt heavy with expectation.
Sophie and Jacob arrive at his parent’s house | Source: Midjourney
Upon arrival, I was struck by the warmth and traditional charm of the home. It was a place that clearly held many memories, a sanctuary of familial bonds and shared history. Jacob’s demeanor shifted as we neared the door; any signs of the usual confidence I knew in him seemed to melt away, replaced by a son’s eagerness to please his parents.
Sophie explores Jacob’s childhood home | Source: Midjourney
The moment of introduction was a blend of politeness and subtle scrutiny. Jacob’s mother, Nancy, greeted us with a smile that, while cordial, carried an undercurrent of evaluation. She was a woman of poise and presence, her eyes keen and observant as she took me in. The pleasantries were brief, and soon after the initial greetings, Nancy made an insinuation that left me utterly stunned.
Nancy | Source: Midjourney
With a genteel yet firm manner, she suggested, “Why don’t you freshen up before dinner? We have some time.” Her tone was casual, but the implication was clear. The request, couched in hospitality, was a direct echo of Jacob’s earlier concerns about my hygiene.
Nancy shows Sophie way to her bathroom | Source: Midjourney
The implication that I needed to ‘freshen up’ immediately upon arriving was a jarring reminder of the personal struggles I had faced in recent months. It felt as though Jacob’s peculiar fixation had somehow infiltrated his family’s perception of me before I had even had the chance to make my own impression.
Sophie examines herself in the bathroom mirror | Source: Midjourney
This insinuation, seemingly innocent yet loaded with judgment, cast a shadow over the evening. The house, with its cozy and inviting ambiance, suddenly felt less welcoming, as if its walls were complicit in a silent judgment against me. I excused myself, the weight of the situation pressing down on me, and retreated to the sanctuary of the guest bathroom.
Eloise invites Sophie to come with her | Source: Midjourney
The dinner with Jacob’s family continued in a formal, almost scripted manner, until an unexpected turn of events led me to a quiet corner of the house—Eloise’s bedroom. Eloise, Jacob’s sister, had always seemed like the outlier in the family, with a kind of gentle defiance in her demeanor. Her invitation to escape the strained atmosphere of the dinner was a welcome respite, and I followed her, eager for a moment of reprieve.
Eloise’s room | Source: Midjourney
Once in her bedroom, a sanctuary of calm and comfort, Eloise turned to me with a look of concern and empathy that I hadn’t encountered in anyone else from the family. The room, filled with books and personal mementos, reflected a life of independence and quiet rebellion. It was here, amidst the soft lighting and the distant sound of the dinner party, that Eloise shared with me the peculiarities that lay at the heart of the family dynamics.
Eloise talks to Sophie | Source: Midjourney
“Sophie,” Eloise began, her voice steady yet filled with a hint of frustration, “what you experienced tonight isn’t about you or any real issue with hygiene. It’s about them.” She gestured vaguely in the direction of the dining room, her expression one of resigned understanding.
Eloise explains her parent’s beliefs to Sophie | Source: Midjourney
Eloise went on to explain the unusual and somewhat eccentric beliefs that pervaded the family ethos, especially between Jacob and their mother, Nancy. “They have this strange notion of possessing super senses,” she confided, her words painting a picture of a family dynamic steeped in bizarre convictions and an almost conspiratorial sense of superiority. According to Eloise, Jacob and their mother believed they could detect nuances and flaws imperceptible to others, a belief that had often isolated them from reality and rationality.
Nancy and Jacob believed they had super senses | Source: Midjourney
As Eloise unfolded the layers of her family’s eccentricities, I felt a mixture of relief and anger. Relief, because her words validated my growing suspicion that the issue was never really about me or any actual problem with my hygiene. And anger, because I realized the extent of the manipulation and psychological games at play, masked under the guise of concern and familial closeness.
Sophie taken aback | Source: Midjourney
The decision to end my relationship with Jacob was not made in haste. It was the culmination of countless moments of self-doubt, confusion, and realization. The idea that I had allowed myself to be manipulated into questioning my own hygiene, based on a bizarre notion held by Jacob and his mother, was both humiliating and enlightening. The manipulation was subtle yet pervasive, and it had seeped into the very fabric of our relationship, distorting my self-perception and eroding my confidence.
Sophie shutting Jacob’s door behind her | Source: Midjourney
Making the decision to leave Jacob was like lifting a veil from my eyes. It was a definitive step towards reclaiming my autonomy and self-worth. The conversation in which I communicated my decision to him was both liberating and heartbreaking.
Liberating, because I was finally breaking free from the web of deceit and control; heartbreaking, because it marked the end of a chapter in my life that, despite its challenges, had once been filled with promise and affection.
Sophie feels free after breaking up with Jacob | Source: Midjourney
In the wake of the breakup, my life took on a new direction. The initial days were marked by a sense of loss and reflection, but gradually, the fog of confusion and hurt began to lift. I found solace in activities that I had neglected during the course of my relationship with Jacob. Reconnecting with old friends and engaging in social activities reignited a part of my soul that had been dimmed.
Sophie hangs out with her friends | Source: Midjourney
The process of rebuilding my life after Jacob was both challenging and invigorating. I immersed myself in new experiences, meeting people who appreciated me for who I was, without the shadow of unreasonable expectations. Each new friendship and every moment spent in laughter and genuine connection contributed to a growing sense of self-assurance.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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