When Amber, a hardworking mom and corporate attorney, discovers a drawing by her 7-year-old daughter, Mia, her world is shaken. The picture shows Mia’s teacher in Amber’s place with a heartbreaking caption. Suspecting betrayal, Amber confronts her husband, Jack, only to uncover something deeper… Mia’s feelings of abandonment amidst Amber’s busy life.
I didn’t think I’d be here… but this has been life lately.
A woman looking out the window | Source: Midjourney
I’m Livia, I’m thirty-four, married to my husband Jack for ten years, and I’m a mom to my bundle of joy, Mia, a seven-year-old little girl. Recently, I’ve been busier than I’ve ever been in my entire life, which is truly saying something because I’m a corporate attorney.
My mom’s health has been declining over the past year, and we’ve been throwing ourselves into her hospital stays, therapy sessions, and medication that costs way more than I care to admit.
To cover everything, I’ve been working insane hours because I’d do anything for my mother.
A woman sitting in a hospital bed | Source: Midjourney
Anything.
Jack has been the best partner and rock I could have ever asked for. He has stepped up at home in ways I never imagined or expected. Jack has taken on the cooking, cleaning, helping Mia with her schoolwork, and managing all the little things I used to handle.
He made it possible for me to keep everything afloat, even when it felt like I was drowning.
A father and daughter duo sitting on a couch | Source: Midjourney
But last night, everything changed before I could even catch my breath.
I came home late, exhausted, starving, and ready to collapse. After hurriedly eating a bowl of salmon and rice while Mia took her bath, I put my little girl to bed. As she dozed off, Mia mumbled something about puppets.
“I didn’t know that you could put your hand in a socket and it would be a puppet,” she said.
A green sock puppet | Source: Midjourney
“A sock, my darling,” I said. “Not a socket! Don’t you ever put your hand in a socket, Mia.”
She giggled.
“Okay, Momma,” she said, yawning.
A yawning little girl | Source: Midjourney
I started tidying up her dolls, which were scattered all over the carpet in her room, and then made my way to the coffee table in the living room. Crayons, white paper, and coloring books were scattered all over.
That’s when I found it. A drawing.
At first glance, it seemed innocent enough. A kid’s sketch of a happy family. A man, a woman, and a little girl holding hands. But when I looked closer, my stomach twisted.
A woman gathering crayons | Source: Midjourney
The man was unmistakably Jack. The little girl was clearly Mia. But the woman? Definitely not me.
She had long brown hair and wore a flowing bridal gown. Beneath the drawing, in Mia’s little handwriting, were the words that broke my heart:
I can’t wait for you to be my mom!
It felt like the ground beneath me had given way.
A child’s drawing | Source: Midjourney
I took the picture to Mia’s bed and sat on the edge, trying to wake her up enough to get answers.
“Darling girl, can you tell me about this drawing?” I asked her calmly.
“What drawing, Momma?” she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
When Mia took a look at the drawing, her face turned red, and she snatched the paper out of my hand, clutching it to her chest.
An upset little girl | Source: Midjourney
“You weren’t supposed to find that! Daddy said to hide it better!” she blurted out.
Hide it better? Jack? Hide what better?
My heart started pounding. What was going on? Was Jack cheating? And what was worse… was Mia already imagining this other woman as her mom?
An upset woman sitting on a couch | Source: Midjourney
I barely slept that night. My mind was running miles per hour. I thought about my mother, I thought about the work I still needed to do before heading to the office the next day, and I thought about my marriage…
By the morning, I had gone through a storm of worst-case scenarios. I sat in the kitchen, waiting for Jack to get ready for work. Mia had already left for school.
“What is this?” I demanded, thrusting the drawing into his hands.
An upset woman standing in a kitchen | Source: Midjourney
His eyes widened, and his face turned pale.
“You told her to hide it?” I asked. “You actually told Mia to hide it?”
“Wait, wait,” he stammered, holding up his hands defensively. “It’s not what you think, Amber. Let me explain it all to you.”
A worried man standing in a kitchen | Source: Midjourney
“You have exactly five seconds, Jack. I’ve been going crazy the entire night.”
My husband ran a hand through his hair, clearly distressed.
“Come with me,” he said.
“What? Where are we going? What about work?” I asked.
A man standing in a kitchen with his head bowed down | Source: Midjourney
“We’re going to Mia’s school. I need to show you something,” he said.
I wanted to scream at him, but something in his voice, an urgency that didn’t feel like guilt, made me agree.
The drive to the school was tense and silent, my mind still racing. What would Jack show me at Mia’s school that would change anything? Was there an imaginary friend or imaginary step-in mother waiting for us?
An upset woman sitting in a car | Source: Midjourney
When we arrived at the school, Jack squeezed my knee. As we walked to the reception area, he squeezed my hand and asked to see Mia’s teacher, Clara.
As soon as Clara walked in, I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. She was stunning, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember why I hadn’t met her before. She had long brown hair, a bright smile, and an effortlessly bubbly demeanor.
She had to be the woman from Mia’s drawing, it was unmistakable.
A smiling woman | Source: Midjourney
She smiled at Jack, and I wanted to scream.
“Clara,” Jack said. “Can you explain to my wife what’s been happening with Mia?”
Clara’s expression shifted to confusion but then softened as she glanced at me.
“Oh, of course,” she said.
A stressed woman | Source: Midjourney
She gestured for us to sit in the little room adjacent to the reception.
“Look, Mia’s been having a tough time lately,” she began. “She’s mentioned feeling like her mom doesn’t have time for her anymore. I’ve tried to reassure her, but she’s… well, look, she’s seven. And she’s been drawing a lot of pictures to process her feelings.”
Clara handed me a stack of drawings, and my heart sank as I flipped through them.
A stack of children’s drawings and coloring books | Source: Midjourney
Most were variations of the same theme. A happy family with Clara in my place. On the back of one of the drawings, there were more words I hadn’t noticed the first time:
Daddy and Clara.
“So, you’ve been spending time with my daughter?” I asked, unable to hide the edge in my voice.
An upset woman | Source: Midjourney
“Yes, of course,” she said. “But only in class, and I’m her teacher, after all. She stays after class sometimes to help me tidy up. She told me she feels like she’s losing her mom because you’re always busy. I’m so sorry if I overstepped. I’d never want to interfere…”
I turned to Jack, my chest tight.
“And you? What did you say to her about this?”
A stressed man | Source: Midjourney
Jack looked miserable.
“I found that picture last week,” he admitted. “I told Mia it wasn’t true, that you love her more than anything. But I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t want to make it worse by bringing it up when you were already so stressed out. I told her to put the drawing away because I knew it would hurt you.”
“You should have told me, Jack,” I said softly.
A woman holding her head | Source: Midjourney
I honestly didn’t know what to think.
Jack nodded, guilt in his eyes.
“I know, love,” he said. “I thought I was protecting you, but I see now that I just made it worse.”
An upset man | Source: Midjourney
My anger began to deflate, replaced by a wave of guilt so heavy it nearly knocked me off my seat. This wasn’t about Jack cheating or Clara overstepping. It was about my daughter, her sadness, her confusion, and her way of coping with my absence.
That night, I sat down with Mia at the kitchen table. I had dished us bowls of ice cream with all the toppings, hoping for a bonding moment between us.
Bowls of ice cream | Source: Midjourney
“Sweetheart,” I said softly. “I need to tell you something. I know I haven’t been around as much lately, and I’m so, so sorry. Grandma needs a lot of help right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. You’re my everything, sweet girl.”
Mia’s eyes filled with tears, and she threw her arms around me.
“I thought maybe you didn’t like me anymore,” she whispered.
A little girl sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
My heart shattered.
“I love you more than anything,” I said, holding her tightly. “Nothing will ever change that.”
In the weeks that followed, I made several lifestyle changes.
I cut back on work hours and asked my siblings to take on more of our mom’s care. Jack and I started a “Mom and Mia” night every week, just the two of us, doing whatever she wanted.
A little girl decorating cookies | Source: Midjourney
Sometimes it was baking cookies, other times it was a movie night, or building a fort, or sometimes it was just us dressing up and going on a date together.
I also had a heartfelt talk with Clara to thank her for being a wonderful teacher and being there for Mia when I couldn’t be.
She apologized again for any boundaries she might have crossed, but I reassured her that Mia’s drawings weren’t her fault.
A blanket fort in a living room | Source: Midjourney
“I just feel bad, Amber,” she said as she cleaned up paintbrushes.
“I know, but you really shouldn’t, Clara,” I said. “You became a safe space for Mia, and you reminded her of how loved and cared for she is. That’s something I’ll always appreciate.”
Life isn’t perfect, but it’s a lot better. I’m learning to ask for help and to show Mia that she comes first. And now, every time she picks up her crayons, I make sure I’m sitting right next to her.
A smiling mother and daughter duo | Source: Midjourney
If you enjoyed this story, here’s another one for you: Sam used to be a mama’s boy, always clinging to Candice and lighting up at the sight of her. But one day, that changed. He started avoiding her hugs, her kisses, and even her presence. At first, I thought it was just a phase. But there was more to it. Much more.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
23 Backhanded “Compliments” That Are Actually Insults
Everyone has been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded “compliments” are some of the worst, especially since they’re disguised as sweet remarks. It’s important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go. (Unless you’re auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on.) If you’re ever on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment from a friend, the real meaning might not even sink in until hours, or even days, later.
While backhanded compliments typically stem from the speaker’s own insecurities, that doesn’t make them any less hurtful, says Sherese Ezelle, LMHC, LCPC, a licensed behavioral therapist. And when they come from a friend, a backhanded compliment is likely to sting even more — and may even damage your relationship.
Backhanded compliments run the gamut from clueless comments to rude remarks, and can also be a form of microaggression, Ezelle says. If it seems like your pal has crossed a boundary, she recommends disputing their comment in the moment by calmly asking for more info. “More often than not, to challenge them on the spot allows for the individual delivering the ‘compliment’ a chance to defend or further explain their intent,” Ezelle tells Bustle. “You want to be sure to give an opportunity for conversation so that growth can happen and friendships can be preserved.”
Of course, different friendships have different dynamics. Some close friends tease each other mercilessly and, as long as everyone’s on the same page, it tends to be OK. That said, it’s alright to recognize when something feels more hurtful than funny, or more like passive-aggressiveness than silly banter, Ezelle says. If backhanded compliments seem to be a habit rather than an exception, you can always tell your friend to buzz off — or look for a new friend circle.
These 23 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely-concealed dig really sounds like. That way, the next time your friend claims to love your outfit or announces that they find your apartment “cozy”, you’ll know exactly how to handle it.
1. “Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun!”
Why it’s backhanded: On the one hand, it’s good to know all your careful filtering and captioning haven’t been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they may be implying that the real you is much less interesting than the image you’re trying to project.
How to respond: “Because I am fun!”
What they could have said instead: “I’m so inspired by the way you curate your feed. It really shows off your creative side.”
2. “You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can’t Even See Your Acne!”
Why it’s backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They’re basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed. “It would be particularly hurtful if you also had an insecurity about your complexion,” says Sarah Dumoff, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of private practice here/now.
How to respond: “Thanks. I love this picture too, though I feel good in photos even when my skin isn’t ‘perfect.’”
What they could have said instead: “Omg, you look amazing!”
3. “I Didn’t Expect You To Get The Job. Congratulations!”
Why it’s backhanded: When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.
How to respond: “I worked really hard for this. Go me!”
What they could have said instead: “I was rooting for you and am so relieved it went well!”
4. “You’re So Independent. It’s No Wonder You Haven’t Found Someone Yet.”
Why it’s backhanded: Among all the things ambitious people are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
How to respond: “Yup! And I’ll know someone’s right for me when they respect that.”
What they could have said instead: “If you ever want to get back into the dating pool, I know someone’s going to fall immediately for your drive.”
5. “I Love How You Don’t Care How You Come Across.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may profess to love your devil-may-care attitude, but what they’re really saying is that they think you’re too “out there.” Either that, or they’re making a salty comment because they’re envious of your laid-back attitude.
How to respond: “Yes! It’s taken a lot of work to get my confidence to this level. I try not to focus on what others think anymore.”
What they could have said instead: “You always seem so confident and relaxed. Tell me all your secrets.”
6. “I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All This Clutter.”
Why it’s backhanded: The real translation may be, “Your place isn’t cleaned to my exact standards and I need you to know that.” Regardless of their intention, it’s rude to make comments when you’ve been invited into someone’s private space.
How to respond: “Really? What would you do differently?” Sometimes asking someone to explain their comment is a way to get them to pause, reflect, and realize they’re being mean.
What they could have said instead: “Thanks for having me over!”
7. “That New Haircut Looks So Much Better Than Your Old One.”
Why it’s backhanded: They’re right — your new ‘do does look fabulous. But no need to be rude about what you looked like literally an hour ago. It may also make you wonder how long they’ve secretly disliked your hair.
How to respond: “I’m all about changing up my look. I’ve loved all my hairstyles and this one’s great, too.”
What they could have said instead: “Wait, this so, so good.”
8. “I Love How You’ll Just Wear Anything.”
Why it’s backhanded: If you’re getting ready together, chances are this comment is constructive and your friend is trying to prevent you from leaving the house in a not-so-great look. If they make this comment once you’re already out, however, that’s when it’s officially rude — and it might even plant a seed of self-doubt that ruins your whole night.
How to respond: “Is that a hint? What’s wrong with my outfit?” You can be honest with each other, laugh it off, and ask if they’d like to offer some advice.
What they could have said instead: “Hold up, hold up. Do you still have those wide-leg pants? Those would be perfect for tonight.”
9. “I Would Never Be Able To Pull Off That Outfit!”
Why it’s backhanded: While it sounds like they’re admiring your style, your friend is likely saying they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything similar.
How to respond: “Thanks, yea. I’ve been feelin’ myself lately. I’m all about the cargo pants trend. Can you believe they’re back?” This is a way to brush off their comment and show your friend that your “weird” look is deliberate — and fashionable.
What they could have said: “Ugh, I can’t keep up with trends. Can you share your Pinterest with me?”
10. “You’re So Charming When You Make An Effort.”
Why it’s backhanded: Great! You’re being charming and suave right now. Mission accomplished. But what about when you’re lounging in your soft pants? Your friend is kind of saying that you’re not usually this charismatic.
How to respond: “I don’t always feel the need to be ‘on’ around my close friends, but sure, I can pull out the charm when need be.” You can also mention that their comment was hurtful. Remember, when in doubt, call it out.
What they could have said: “Bestie, you’re a shining star of wit and charm.”
11. “You Look So Professional With Your Hair Straight.”
Why it’s backhanded: Talk about microaggressive “complimenting” styles. On one end of the spectrum, they’re announcing that they believe you usually look bad or unkempt. On the other, they’re saying curly or natural hair is somehow unprofessional. And that’s not OK.
How to respond: “Well, I’m glad to know that you think my natural hair makes me look so unprofessional.”
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or, “Did you do something different with your hair?”
12. “I Wish I Didn’t Have Any Responsibilities Like You.”
Why it’s backhanded: People might be inclined to say this to their friends who live with their parents or to those who don’t have kids. Living rent-free or child-free can be less stressful than many alternatives, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s life is totally carefree or without responsibility. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
How to respond: “Oh wow, do I make it look that way? I have a million plates spinning at once. How are things going on your end?” This will get to the real root of the issue, which is that they’re overwhelmed.
What they could have said instead: “Do you have any spare time to listen to me vent? I’ve been so stressed lately.”
13. “Your Place Is So Cozy.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling someone’s apartment “cozy” is often code for “super tiny” or even “so tiny I don’t understand how you live here.” It’s also condescending since not everyone can afford a sprawling abode — or wants to live in one. It just isn’t what you want to hear when you’ve invited folks over for a housewarming.
How to respond: “Thank you! I put a lot of work into the decor. Wait, did you see my record player over here?”
What they could have said instead: “Thanks so much for having me over! I always love how you decorate. Oh! I brought a quiche.”
14. “You’re Coping With This So Much Better Than I Thought You Would.”
Why it’s backhanded: You’re literally on your couch in a onesie surrounded by tissues and rubbing at your puffy eyes — and this is better than what your friend thought? How did they expect you to deal with a breakup? You might not want to know.
How to respond: If you can muster some cheekiness, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” If you’re too upset say, “I just need someone to listen to me, if that’s OK.” Also, side note: If a certain friend isn’t supporting you the right way during a tough time, try reaching out to someone else. Another friend, family member, or therapist may be a better bet.
What they could have said instead: “What you’re going through is one of the toughest things ever. You’re handling it so well, but it’s also OK if you need to take more time for yourself.”
15. “You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this one sends the message that you usually look bad or tired whenever you deign to go outside without blush or mascara. It might be their way of judging — or they simply might not realize why it’s a rude thing to say.
How to respond: “Wait, what do I normally look like?”
What they could have said instead: “I need that blush. Where’d you get it?”
16. “You Look Refreshed Today. I Almost Didn’t Recognize You!”
Why it’s backhanded: According to psychologist Dr. Roberta T. Ballard, Ph.D., this is a common backhanded compliment. It’s something you might hear from an office friend who means well, but doesn’t realize they’re implying you usually look messy or tired. Not to mention, it’s never smart to comment on someone’s appearance, especially if you don’t know what’s going on with their health or personal life.
How to respond: “Thanks. Guess it was that extra cup of coffee I had today.” And leave it at that.
What they could have said instead: “That color blue looks amazing on you.”
17. “You’re So Chill In Your Relationship.”
Why it’s backhanded: “It may be innocent admiration of your patience in your relationship, or it may feel like something else is being implied,” says Lauren Spinella, LPC, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Peaceful Path Counseling. Are they really impressed by your patience during a tough time in your relationship, or are they implying you’re a doormat?
How to respond: “Do you feel like I’m too chill?” According to Spinella, it’s totally fair to ask for some genuine clarification in a non-accusatory way. That’ll open the door to a deeper convo.
What they could have said instead: “I really admire how patient you are. I’m also a little concerned that you’re dealing with so much and want to make sure you’re OK.”
18. “You Look Great For Your Age!”
Why it’s backhanded: While this one’s often said with the best of intentions, it’s steeped in ageism and the idea that you can only look good if you look young. “Sometimes the person giving the backhanded compliment might not have the intention of saying something hurtful, however, the impact is still there,” says therapist Emily Sharp, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC, RYT-200.
How to respond: “I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but when you make comments about my appearance it makes me uncomfortable.” Sharp says this will get the message across in a diplomatic way.
What they could have said instead: “You look great!”
19. “You’re So Articulate.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling you articulate is a way to express shock that you said something intelligent. It has the same vibe as, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be good at this.” The “you’re so articulate” comment also comes with a long history of racism, especially when aimed at Black people, Ballard says.
How to respond: “What did I say that surprised you?” Again, asking someone to explain their comment is a subtle way of calling them out.
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or something like, “It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
20. “You’re So Pretty. I Don’t Get Why You’re Still Single.”
Why it’s backhanded: This backhanded compliment can send your brain swirling through a list of possible meanings. Are they saying something else is wrong with you? Or that you’re incomplete until you meet a partner? Whatever it is, it won’t feel good.
How to respond: “How are the two related?”Depending on the type of relationship you have with your friend, you can straight up call them out or ignore them, Sharp says. “You can also respond to a portion of the backhanded compliment that feels genuine, in order to maintain positivity,” she tells Bustle. “Everyone handles these situations differently, but the important part is validating your feelings for yourself.”
What they could have said instead: “We haven’t chatted about our dating lives in forever! Are you talking to anyone or nah?”
21. “I Love Your Nails. It Must Be Nice To Have So Much Extra Time In Your Day To Pamper Yourself.”
Why it’s backhanded: “This may be an innocent comment,” Spinella tells Bustle. “But it’s also understandable for someone to be put off by hearing it. You might think, are they implying that I don’t have a lot going on or that I am prioritizing the wrong things?”
How to respond: “What do you mean?” While it’s often possible to glean the intent of a backhanded compliment, Spinella says it’s best to ask for clarification, especially if the words hurt.
What they could have said instead: “I love how you did your nails! It can be so hard to prioritize self-care with a busy schedule. Maybe you can help me do the same?”
22. “You Look So Comfortable!”
Why it’s backhanded: This isn’t a real compliment, says wellness coach Dr. Cali Estes. Instead of saying what they really think, it’s a roundabout way for your friend to indicate that they don’t like your outfit or that they think it’s inappropriate for a situation.
How to respond: “Thanks! I’m so grateful to be comfortable so I can fully enjoy myself at this wedding.”
What they could have said instead: “I love your outfit. I really wish I would have chosen something more comfortable, too.”
23. “You’re Incredible For Working That Hard! I Could Never Leave My Cat Alone All Day.”
Why it’s backhanded: While it feels like they’re complimenting your work ethic, what they’re actually doing is commenting on your choices as a caretaker. This one’s also commonly aimed at new moms, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health.
How to respond: “What do you mean by that?” Patel-Dunn recommends asking for more info. For instance, “Ouch, I feel a bit hurt by that comment. Can you clarify what you mean because this is what I heard…”
What they could have said instead: “You’re the queen of getting stuff done. How do you do it?”
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