Narcissism is a phenomenon in which a person with low self-esteem is afraid of losing authority in the eyes of others, and they begin to manipulate their friends, colleagues, and family to appear better than they really are. These people are so determined. We decided to imagine what it’s like to have your beloved mother like this.
They have a distorted perception of love and achievement, making it nearly impossible for them to make you feel good enough.
Their self-worth hinges on external validation and a facade of perfection. This creates a moving target for your worth in their eyes. You can achieve great things, but their praise might be laced with criticism, or they might simply shift the goalposts to a new, unattainable standard. This leaves you perpetually striving for an unachievable level of approval.
Additionally, their happiness is often transactional. They dole out affection when it suits them, leaving you confused about what truly earns their love. This inconsistency fosters insecurity and self-doubt, making you question your own value no matter what you accomplish. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s inability to offer genuine, unconditional love creates a core belief that you’ll never be good enough, regardless of your efforts.
Narcissistic mothers won’t let their kids’ successes overshadow their own.
Narcissistic mothers crave attention and view their children’s achievements through a distorted lens. While they might brag about their child’s successes superficially, they can’t handle being outshined. This stems from a deep insecurity and a fragile sense of self. Their child’s triumphs become a threat, rather than a source of pride. They may downplay the accomplishment, subtly criticize, or even try to one-up their child with their own past glories, all to maintain a sense of superiority.
She’s only worried about her own problems.
A narcissistic mother’s world often revolves around herself, leaving little room for her child’s emotions or experiences. Their own needs for validation and admiration take priority. They struggle to empathize with their child’s struggles, viewing them as inconveniences or attention-grabbing tactics. This is because the narcissist lacks the emotional maturity to see their child as a separate being with valid feelings. Their child’s problems become burdens to be managed, rather than opportunities for connection and support.
These mothers humiliate their children.
There are a couple of reasons why narcissistic mothers might resort to humiliating their children. One is to maintain control. By publicly criticizing, mocking, or exaggerating their child’s flaws, the mother keeps them feeling insecure and dependent. This fragile self-esteem makes the child less likely to challenge the mother’s authority or seek independence.
Another reason is to bolster the narcissist’s own fragile ego. Putting their child down creates a clear hierarchy where the mother is always superior. This can be especially pronounced if the child shows any potential to outshine the mother, triggering a need to cut them down to size. Ultimately, the humiliation serves the narcissist’s own needs for power and self-importance, leaving the child feeling emotionally bruised and diminished.
She makes kids feel guilty for getting something.
Narcissistic mothers often induce guilt in their children for receiving gifts or achieving success because it reinforces their own sense of control. They might make comments like, «You don’t deserve this, there are others who need it more,» implying the child is selfish for wanting something good. This guilt trip serves a few purposes.
Firstly, it keeps the child feeling indebted and obligated to please the mother. Secondly, it deflects attention away from the mother’s inability to be genuinely happy for her child’s good fortune. Ultimately, by making their child feel guilty, the narcissistic mother manipulates the situation to maintain the focus on themselves and their emotional needs.
She thinks she always deserves the best.
A narcissistic mother’s belief in her own deservingness stems from a distorted sense of self-importance. Deep down, she craves admiration and validation, and views herself as superior to others. This inflated ego convinces her that she deserves the best in life, regardless of her actions or contributions. It’s a constant need to be seen as special and entitled.
This sense of entitlement can manifest in various ways, from expecting lavish gifts and unwavering support to feeling justified in cutting in line or bending the rules. For a narcissistic mother, the «best» isn’t just about material possessions, but also about the constant flow of attention, praise, and control that reinforces her grandiosity.
Her love is unstable. When she needs something, she’s kind. When she doesn’t, she’s rude.
Narcissistic mothers often exhibit a transactional kind of love, where affection is dangled like a carrot. When their needs are unmet, their self-absorption takes center stage. They might become critical, dismissive, or even cold towards their child. Conversely, when they require something — maybe errands run, emotional support, or a public image boost — the kindness faucet turns on.
This emotional inconsistency leaves the child confused and insecure. They never quite know what version of their mother they’ll encounter, creating a constant state of walking on eggshells to avoid the unpredictable shift from loving to cold.
She cares too much about how other people see her.
A narcissistic mother craves external validation and uses how others perceive her as a mirror for her fragile self-esteem. Her self-worth hinges on admiration and a cultivated image of perfection. This makes her hyper-aware of how others view her, particularly in her role as a mother. She might brag excessively about her child’s accomplishments, not necessarily out of pride, but to reflect well on her own parenting skills.
Conversely, any perceived shortcomings in her child become a threat to her image. She might downplay their achievements or even criticize them publicly to maintain a facade of control and superiority in the eyes of others. Ultimately, the well-being and genuine connection with her child become secondary to managing the public perception of a perfect mother and family.
She complains about people that do something against her will.
Narcissistic mothers view any challenge to their control as a personal attack. Their rigid sense of self-importance dictates that things should go their way. When someone, especially their child, dares to act independently or disagree, it triggers a deep sense of entitlement being violated. They may lash out by complaining excessively, playing the victim, or attempting to manipulate the situation back to their desired outcome.
These complaints serve a dual purpose: firstly, to punish the person for disobeying, and secondly, to garner sympathy or support from others, further reinforcing their position of authority. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s complaints about those who defy her are less about the specific action and more about maintaining a power dynamic where she remains in control.
Narcissistic mothers are jealous of their daughters’ beauty. And they pretend to be caring.
A narcissistic mother’s insecurity can turn a daughter’s blossoming beauty into a source of hidden jealousy. They may outwardly offer compliments laced with backhanded remarks, like «You look pretty, but maybe try a different shade of lipstick.» This thinly veiled criticism undermines the daughter’s confidence while maintaining a facade of caring.
Deeper down, the mother might feel threatened by her daughter’s youthful beauty, a stark reminder of her own fading youth and potential loss of attention. This jealousy can manifest in various ways, from sabotaging the daughter’s attempts to dress up for an event to subtly comparing her looks to others. The narcissistic mother’s mask of concern hides a desire to control the narrative, ensuring her daughter’s beauty doesn’t overshadow her own.
She criticizes a lot but almost never gives praise.
Narcissistic mothers often fall into a harsh critic pattern for a few reasons. Firstly, their self-worth is fueled by a need for control and a sense of superiority. Constant criticism keeps their child feeling insecure and dependent, less likely to challenge their authority. Secondly, genuine praise can feel threatening to a narcissist. If their child is successful or confident, it might overshadow the mother’s own perceived importance.
Instead of celebrating their child’s achievements, they might downplay them or even resort to nitpicking flaws. Ultimately, the lack of praise becomes a tool for manipulation. By withholding validation, the narcissistic mother keeps her child striving for approval, a dynamic that reinforces her own sense of power and control.
They’re angry if someone else is in the spotlight.
A narcissistic mother thrives on being the center of attention. Their fragile self-esteem craves constant validation and admiration. When someone else, especially their child, receives praise or recognition, it’s perceived as a direct threat. This triggers a surge of anger because it disrupts their carefully curated image of superiority. They might downplay the other person’s accomplishment, subtly criticize them, or even try to steal the spotlight back to themselves with tales of their own past glories.
This anger isn’t about protecting their child, but about protecting their own inflated sense of self-importance. They can’t bear to share the spotlight, and their reaction reflects a deep-seated insecurity that can leave their child feeling confused and emotionally neglected.
Narcissistic mothers might constantly remind you of the things they’ve done for you.
One is to create a sense of obligation and guilt. By replaying a litany of sacrifices and favors, they make you feel indebted, making it harder to disagree with them or assert your independence. It’s a way to control you through emotional manipulation. Another reason is to inflate their own sense of importance.
Recounting their «good deeds» reinforces their narrative as the selfless caregiver deserving of constant praise and gratitude. Ultimately, these constant reminders are about them, not you. It’s a tactic to maintain power within the relationship and ensure you remain focused on their needs rather than developing your own sense of self.
These narcissistic traits can take a toll. But there’s good news! Our next piece dives into how these experiences shape you, and what you heal from it.
My Husband Said We Couldn’t Afford a Family Vacation After Christmas – Then I Found a $3K Bill for His Work Wife’s SPA Day
When Ethan insisted a family vacation was out of budget, I trusted him — until a $3,000 luxury spa charge appeared on our account. Determined to uncover the truth, I followed the trail. What I found shattered my trust and changed everything.
I always thought trust was like a well-tended garden. You pour your love into it, pull the weeds, and water it regularly, so it grows strong and lush. And for 12 years, I did that for my marriage to Ethan. I believed in him. I believed in us.
A happy couple hugging | Source: Midjourney
We had a good life, or so I thought. Two kids, a house with a creaky porch swing, and a weekly tradition of homemade pizzas on Friday nights. Ethan was the kind of guy who earned respect everywhere he went. A hard worker, and a dedicated father.
And then there was Rachel, his so-called “work wife.” We’d met many times, and I liked her. She was friendly, funny, and always spoke warmly about her husband. We weren’t friends, but I was glad Ethan had a colleague like her.
I used to joke about her during dinner, saying how nice it was that someone kept him sane during those late-night shifts.
A woman at a dinner table | Source: Pexels
He’d smile, brushing it off with a vague comment about her love of spreadsheets.
For years, I admired their partnership. She was the yin to his professional yang, or so I convinced myself. But lately, cracks had started to appear.
It wasn’t just the long hours or the constant texting. It was how he’d smile at his phone, a smile I hadn’t seen directed at me in months. Something didn’t add up.
A man smiling while texting | Source: Midjourney
Then he told me we couldn’t afford the Christmas vacation I’d been looking forward to all year.
“Are you sure?” I asked as we loaded the dishwasher together. “I thought everything was set.”
Ethan averted his gaze and shrugged. “It was… but we had all those unexpected expenses in October and November and now we can’t afford to go on vacation after Christmas. I’m sorry, honey.”
I sighed. “It’s okay… there’s always next year.”
A woman smiling faintly in a kitchen | Source: Midjourney
I was disappointed, but I believed Ethan. We did have a rough time financially the last few months, and I had no reason to think he was lying to me.
Then I discovered the receipt that changed everything.
Last week, while sorting through receipts for budgeting, I noticed a $3,000 charge to “Tranquility Luxe Spa.”
A woman frowning | Source: Midjourney
My first thought was that it had to be a mistake. Some kind of glitch on our credit card statement. But the date, this coming Saturday, sent a chill through me. Something wasn’t adding up.
I stared at it as I thought about why Ethan had paid so much for a spa day when we couldn’t afford a holiday. It couldn’t be a surprise for me (he could just have planned the holiday in that case), so it had to be work-related.
A stunned and confused woman in a living room | Source: Midjourney
When I sat down beside Ethan that evening to ask him about it, a sense of dread settled in my belly. I watched him smiling at his phone like I didn’t even exist and I just knew.
“So, what plans do you have for Saturday?” I asked, nudging him playfully.
“Saturday? I actually have to work… there are some last-minute details I need to iron out for that big project I told you about. Why?”
A man glancing to one side slightly while texting | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, no reason,” I said, keeping my voice light. “I, uh, thought we could take the kids to the park together.”
“Maybe next weekend,” he replied absently as he typed a text on his phone.
My gut churned as the dread turned to fury. My husband, the man who once made a big show of proposing with a scavenger hunt, was a liar. And I was going to prove it.
A woman with a determined look on her face | Source: Midjourney
On Saturday morning, I waved goodbye to Ethan like everything was fine. The minute he was out of sight, I texted the babysitter to come over. I’d already arranged that she would take the kids to the park.
I gave her the bag with the snacks and games I’d packed for the kids. Then, I set out to catch Ethan red-handed. My heart raced as I pulled into the spa’s parking lot. I told myself I’d take a peek, confirm my suspicions, and leave.
The front entrance of a spa | Source: Midjourney
Inside, the air smelled of eucalyptus and privilege. I walked slowly, scanning the lobby, and then I saw them.
Ethan and Rachel were lounging beside each other in plush white robes like they were on a honeymoon. I didn’t understand… they’d always just been work buddies. I thought I might be missing something, but then she laughed at something he said and leaned in close.
Ethan cupped the side of her face with his hand and kissed her.
A shocked woman standing near a doorway | Source: Midjoruney
My legs felt like jelly. I gripped the doorframe, desperate not to fall apart. A lump rose in my throat, but I swallowed it down. Not here. Not yet. I’d confirmed my suspicions, and now… now I knew I couldn’t walk out of there without doing something about it.
The spa receptionist, a bubbly blonde who looked fresh out of college, smiled at me. “Can I help you?”
I smiled back, my lips trembling. “Yes, actually. I’m planning a surprise for a couple here — Ethan and Rachel? Could I add a complimentary massage to their booking?”
A smiling receptionist in a spa | Source: Pexels
“Oh, how sweet!” she gushed, typing quickly. “We’ll let them know right away.”
“No,” I said, my voice firm. “I’d really like to keep this a surprise.”
“One surprise massage coming up!” She said, winking at me.
If Ethan and Rachel wanted to play dirty, fine. I could play dirtier.
A woman with an intense look on her face | Source: Midjourney
I lingered in the lobby until I saw Ethan and Rachel being whisked off for their massage. I followed them discreetly and took note of which room they entered.
Now, it was time to put my plan into action.
I waited until they were deep into their treatment before making my next move. I grabbed a large bucket of ice-cold water from the staff area and marched toward their massage room.
A bucket of water | Source: Midjourney
The moment the masseuse stepped out of the room, I entered. They were lying face down on heated tables, their blissful sighs filling the air. The sight of them lying there, serene and oblivious, made my blood boil.
I stepped inside quietly, holding my breath. Then, I dumped the bucket of freezing water over them.
Rachel screamed, jerking upright and sending towels flying. Ethan bolted upright, his face pale with shock.
A shocked man in a spa massage room | Source: Midjourney
“What the hell?” he spluttered.
I dropped the bucket, standing tall. “Surprised? You shouldn’t be.”
“What are you doing here?” Ethan stammered, his eyes darting between me and the drenched sheets.
I stepped closer, my voice ice-cold. “Me? What are you doing here? Because last I checked, we couldn’t afford a vacation with our kids. But apparently, three grand for your work wife’s spa day wasn’t a problem.”
An angry woman in a massage room | Source: Midjourney
Rachel wrapped herself in a robe, her face red and blotchy. “This isn’t what it looks like—”
“Oh, be quiet,” I snapped, cutting her off. “Save your excuses for your husband. He’ll be getting a call from me shortly.”
Ethan tried to speak, but I raised a hand. “Don’t. You lied to me, Ethan. You humiliated me. Worst of all, you chose this — her — over your family.”
I took a deep breath, my hands shaking.
Close up of an emotional woman’s face | Source: Midjourney
“You’ll need to figure out where to live because there’s no place for you in our home anymore. I hope the two of you enjoy whatever this mess is because you just threw away everything for it.”
Staff were scurrying into the room at this point, alerted by Rachel’s screams, no doubt. I walked past all of them and left.
Back home, I wasted no time. Ethan’s clothes went into garbage bags.
Men’s clothes being packed into trash bags | Source: Midjourney
The lawyer I’d been too afraid to call was suddenly my best friend. And Rachel’s husband? Oh, he picked up on the first ring.
The fallout was spectacular. Ethan lost his family, and when word spread at work, both their reputations were dragged through the dirt. Rachel asked to be transferred to a different office, the last I heard.
Apparently, even workwives have limits when the office whispers turn savage.
A smiling woman standing in her living room | Source: Midjourney
The kids and I went on that vacation after all. I booked us a whole week at a beachside cabin where we collected seashells and laughed until our sides hurt. At night, as the waves lapped the shore, I felt something I hadn’t in a long time. Freedom.
Trust is like a garden, I realized. Sometimes, you have to burn it down to grow something new. And for the first time in 12 years, I was ready to plant seeds for myself.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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