I thought my future mother-in-law was loving and supportive of my union with her son. But she detested me and had been pretending from the day we met! My tale is of deceit, lies, and ultimately revenge! With my new husband’s support, we put her in her place!
I, Joana, 34, was looking forward to finally marrying the man of my dreams, my fiancé Leo, 35. But I didn’t expect that his family would try to come between us.
Here’s some background before I get into how we got here. Leo and I have been together for two blissful years. We are finally getting ready for our big day, which is coming soon. But what I didn’t expect was to overhear my fiancé’s family making ulterior plans against me.
A woman lying in bed reading a book | Source: Pexels
So this is what happened. I woke up the other day feeling unwell and decided to call in sick to work. The plan was for me to just stay home nursing myself back to health. Since Leo had already left the apartment for his job, I decided to text him, saying:
“Hi babe, I hope you’re having a good morning. I woke up feeling under the weather and decided to stay home for the day. I already called in sick, so please bring me lunch if you can. I love you!”
I remember the day clearly. Leo surprised me by arriving at our apartment during his lunch break! I thought he’d read my message and had actually brought me some food.
A woman texting on her phone while lying in bed | Source: Pexels
In my excitement, I was about to go out of the bedroom to hug him and thank him for coming to check on me when I heard other voices.
My fiancé had come over with my future mother-in-law (MIL) and sister-in-law (SIL). From the conversation they were having, it seemed they’d come over to pick something up from our apartment during Leo’s lunch break. He was helping his sister move.
Yet, Leo didn’t look for me when he arrived, which made me realize he hadn’t read my text. So he didn’t know I was home. “You guys wait here, let me go and throw this trash out, and then we can go,” he said as he emptied the bin and went outside.
A man outside holding a trash bag | Source: Freepik
The moment he went out the door, his mother and sister began trashing me! They were mocking everything from my kitchen decor to my personal style! “Who chooses such colors for a kitchen,” my future SIL laughed as I listened.
“Never mind the kitchen, what about the way she looks?” my future MIL added laughing at me too. “She’s not a good fit for Leo,” she commented, continuing to say disgusting and quite hurtful things about me.
An older woman laughing and conversing with a younger one | Source: Freepik
Lying in bed I seethed with a mixture of shock and anger! I couldn’t believe the disdain they harbored for me. Quietly, I reached for the old dictaphone on my nightstand and pressed record because my phone was flat. Every harsh word, every cruel laugh captured, unbeknownst to them.
I was SO hurt! I didn’t know that they felt this way about me. Every time we conversed or I was around them, they were kind and supportive. They’d even offered to help with the wedding planning, for goodness sake!
A photo of an old dictaphone | Source: Pixabay
Just when I thought I’d heard enough and they couldn’t stoop any lower, it got even worse! My future MIL continued speaking ill of me, dropping a huge bombshell to her daughter about her crazy plan, saying:
“The silly girl doesn’t even suspect that she’ll NEVER become a mother to our future grandkid because I’m going to use Leo’s ex as an egg donor.”
My jaw DROPPED! The ex she mentioned was Eve, the blonde model-looking woman that Leo dated for four years before me. He’d broken up with her after proposing when he found out she’d been cheating on him.
The infidelity happened with different men and throughout their relationship!
That was the person whose grandchildren Leo’s mother wanted!? The reason why they didn’t want my grandchildren was because my genes were “tainted” by my “fat and diabetic parents,” and weren’t good enough.
A happy middle-aged couple embracing while holding snow shovels | Source: Pexels
I mean, I understood that I was nothing like Eve. I was short, and a bit chubby, and I spoke my mind when forced to, but I didn’t deserve to be trashed like that!
That evening when Leo and I were alone, I played back the recording. The hurt was clear in his eyes as he listened to his mother’s unfiltered opinions.
At first, he tried to downplay it, suggesting they were venting. But the reality of their betrayal sank in as he continued to listen.
A woman looks at the camera while her man lies back contemplating something | Source: Pexels
He confronted his mother the next day, demanding she apologize, but she refused. The woman was adamant that there was nothing wrong with her behavior! Leo, torn between his family and me, devised a plan.
“Let’s show everyone her true colors,” he said, his resolve hardening. My future MIL didn’t even suspect she would regret what she said on our wedding day as my fiancé and I made our plans.\
A happy couple sitting in their bedroom | Source: Pexels
The wedding day arrived with tension simmering beneath the surface of every smile and congratulations. Leo’s mother delivered her toast, her voice dripping with fake affection and well-wishes.
As the applause died down, Leo stood and nodded at me. My heart pounding, I hit play on the speaker system. The venomous words filled the room, each syllable a sharp contrast to the loving speech she had just given.
We had decided that after his mother’s “sweet” toast at our wedding, we would play the recording of her talking to my SIL in our apartment for all to hear.
A woman reacting in shock | Source: Freepik
The room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop as the reality of her duplicity settled over the crowd. Leo’s mother, her face a mask of horror and embarrassment, stood frozen in her seat.
Then, as the recording ended, she walked out, her exit a walk of shame under the stunned gazes of family and friends. My SIL also darted her eyes around at everyone before following suit!
Leo, a supportive and loving new husband, squeezed my hand, his eyes apologetic, and yet fierce. “I’m sorry you had to endure that,” he whispered. “But I hope now we can start fresh, without secrets or lies.”
A couple dancing on their wedding day | Source: Pexels
As the wedding continued, the atmosphere lightened. People approached us, offering words of support and expressing their shock. Leo and I realized that this ordeal, as painful as it was, might have purged the venom that threatened our future together.
Looking back, I often wonder if happiness in marriage can truly coexist with familial strife. That day, Leo chose us over the blind allegiance to his family’s pretenses.
In doing so, he gave our love a fighting chance.
A couple embracing on their wedding day | Source: Pexels
Despite the drama, or perhaps because of it, we understood that together, we could face anything. As we danced under the soft glow of the reception lights, I felt a sense of triumph, not from revenge, but from the affirmation of our unity in the face of adversity.
A happy couple embracing at the beach | Source: Pexels
While Joana’s tale ended on a good note with her new husband choosing her over his family, things were not the same for Jane. In the following story, Jane discovers her fiancé’s true nature and with the support of their friends, she leaves him choosing to know her true worth.
Matt Heath: My parting message: Enjoy things while they are around
A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
Leave a Reply