Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
Entitled Neighbor Vandalized My Sick Grandpa’s Car – I Taught Her to Mind Her Own Business
When I saw the cruel message scrawled on my recovering grandpa’s dusty car, I was livid. But uncovering the culprit’s identity was just the beginning. What I did next would teach this entitled neighbor a lesson she’d never forget.
Two months ago, I was at work when my phone rang. It was Mom.
“Meg, it’s Grandpa,” she barely managed to speak. “He’s in the hospital. He—”
“What? Hospital?” I cut her off, totally blindsided. “What happened?”
A woman talking on the phone at work | Source: Pexels
“He had a heart attack,” Mom continued in her shaky voice. “We gotta go see him.”
“Oh my God, Mom, is he okay?”
“I don’t know, Meg…”
“I’ll be there as fast as I can, Mom,” I replied as I quickly logged out of my work email.
The thing is, Grandpa Alvin is my rock, my confidant, and my favorite person in the world. It won’t be wrong to say that I love him more than Mom. Shh! It’s a secret!
An older man standing in his house | Source: Midjourney
And that phone call from Mom had turned my world upside down. I could literally feel a knot in my stomach as I rushed out of my office after informing my boss about Grandpa’s condition.
The drive home from my workplace is a blur. I don’t remember how I got there, but I quickly picked Mom up before we rushed to the hospital.
The drive from our house to the hospital was about 45 minutes long. And let me tell you, those were the longest, most painful 45 minutes of my life. Mom kept crying the entire time, while I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest.
Once we reached there, a nurse told us that Grandpa was in the operating room. After what felt like an eternity, the doctor came out.
A close-up shot of a doctor’s arms crossed on his chest | Source: Pexels
“The surgery was successful, but he needs rest and care,” he told us. “He needs to eat a heart-healthy diet, low in salt and saturated fats. Regular, gentle exercise is crucial. And absolutely no stress.”
“Alright, doc,” I nodded. “But when can we see him?”
“Is he really okay?” Mom asked impatiently.
“Don’t worry,” the doctor reassured her. “He’s resting comfortably now. The nurses will let you know when it’s a good time to visit.”
A doctor talking to a woman | Source: Midjourney
Grandpa was allowed to go home a few days later, but there was a problem. He lives in another town, and we couldn’t visit him every day to look after him.
As a result, we hired a full-time nurse.
She was a godsend, agreeing to cook for him too. For two months, Grandpa didn’t leave his apartment and focused solely on his recovery.
Last week, I realized it had been too long since I’d seen him.
A woman sitting on a chair, thinking | Source: Midjourney
“Mom,” I said over breakfast, “I’m going to visit Grandpa this weekend. Wanna come?”
Her eyes lit up.
“That’s a wonderful idea, honey,” she smiled. “I’ll come with you. He’ll be so happy to see us!”
“Perfect!” I said before I took a bite of my scrambled eggs.
On Saturday, I woke up early, bought a bouquet of Grandpa’s favorite bright yellow sunflowers, and drove all the way to his place with Mom.
I couldn’t wait to meet him and see his face light up. I was expecting a day full of Grandpa’s stories, unaware of what was waiting for us there.
As we pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex, I spotted his old, beat-up car. It was covered with a thick layer of dust, clearly proving he hadn’t driven it since getting sick.
But as we got closer, something made my blood boil.
A woman in a car | Source: Midjourney
Someone had left a message on the rear windscreen. It seemed like they had written it using their finger. It looked fresh.
The message read, “YOU ARE A DIRTY PIG! CLEAN UP YOUR CAR OR GET OUT OF THE COMMUNITY. SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!”
I was absolutely furious. How could someone be so cruel to an old man who’s been too sick to even get out of bed, let alone clean his car?
A woman in a car, looking angry | Source: Midjourney
“Oh my God,” Mom gasped. “Who would do such a thing?”
I clenched my fists. I could feel my cheeks burn with rage.
“Some entitled jerk with nothing better to do than harass a sick old man, that’s who.”
Then, I felt Mom’s soft hand on my arm.
“Honey, calm down,” she said. “Let’s not upset your grandfather.”
I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself.
“You’re right. Let’s go see him.”
A parking lot of an apartment complex | Source: Pexels
We quickly headed up to Grandpa’s apartment. I rang the bell, waiting for him to open the door.
“My girls!” he smiled from ear to ear. “What a wonderful surprise!”
“Grandpa!” I hugged him tight. “You look so good! So handsome!”
“Well, of course I do!” he chuckled. “When have I ever not looked handsome? Even in my hospital gown, I was turning heads left and right!”
An older man in his house, smiling | Source: Midjourney
As we headed inside, I couldn’t stop thinking of the cruel message on his car. I couldn’t erase that image from my mind.
“Megan? Are you listening, sweetheart?” Grandpa’s voice snapped me back to reality.
“Sorry, Grandpa. I was just… thinking. How are you feeling?”
We chatted for a while, but my mind kept drifting to that message. I needed to do something about it.
“Hey, I need to take care of something real quick,” I said, standing up. “Mom, can you stay with Grandpa? I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
A woman talking to her mother | Source: Midjourney
“Sure, honey,” Mom said.
In no time, I headed down to the security office near the entrance, where I met a bored-looking guy sitting behind the desk.
“Excuse me,” I said. “I need to see the security camera footage from the parking lot.”
He raised an eyebrow as he straightened his back.
“Sorry, ma’am. We can’t just show that to anyone who asks.”
A security guard | Source: Midjourney
I leaned in, lowering my voice.
“Look, my grandfather lives here. He’s been very ill, and someone vandalized his car with a horrible message. I need to know who did it.”
The guard hesitated, then nodded.
“Alright, just this once.”
We reviewed the footage from the last few days when I suddenly saw an older, snooty-looking woman, heading towards Grandpa’s car. She took her sweet time to write that awful message on his car.
An older woman standing near a black car | Source: Midjourney
“Who is this?” I asked the guard.
“That’s Briana from 4C,” he said. “Always causing trouble.”
I thanked him and turned to leave, but he stopped me.
“Wait, there’s something else. I overheard some of the neighbors talking in the lobby last week. Apparently, this Briana woman has been giving your grandfather a hard time for months now.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
He scratched his chin thoughtfully.
A security guard talking to a woman | Source: Midjourney
“Well, they were saying she’s been complaining about every little thing. Like, she’d make a fuss if his newspaper was left out too long, or if his welcome mat wasn’t perfectly straight. One of the ladies even mentioned that Briana tried to get your grandpa fined for having a potted plant that was ‘an unapproved color’ or something ridiculous like that.”
“Are you serious? Why hasn’t anyone done anything about this?”
“Most folks just try to avoid her, I guess,” he shrugged.
“Your grandpa’s too nice to make a big deal out of it. But between you and me, I think everyone’s getting pretty fed up with her attitude.”
Yeah, my grandpa’s nice, but I’m not, I thought to myself before marching straight to Briana’s apartment.
The door opened soon after I knocked on it.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“I’m Alvin’s granddaughter,” I said, struggling to keep my voice steady. “I saw what you wrote on his car. You have no right to humiliate him like that!”
A young woman talking to her grandfather’s neighbor | Source: Midjourney
“I don’t care,” she shrugged. “If he can’t keep up with community standards, maybe he shouldn’t be living here.”
And with that, she slammed the door in my face.
I was livid. It was clear that talking to her wasn’t going to get anywhere, so I decided to handle it my own way. I came up with a plan to teach her a lesson. All I needed was a roll of duct tape and a paper with evidence.
A woman leaving a building | Source: Midjourney
The next day, I took a screenshot of the security camera footage, ensuring Briana’s face was clear, and got it printed. Then, in big, bold letters, I wrote: “SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! Lady from Apt 4C is abusing elderly neighbors.”
I taped that sign right in the elevator where everyone would see it. It was crystal clear who she was and what she’d done.
Within a day, the whole building was buzzing.
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