A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
My Father Discouraged Me from Buying a Car – His Real Reason Made Me Call the Police José Augustin
Emily thought purchasing her dream car would be a straightforward and exciting step, but her father’s odd reluctance made her question everything. Little did she know that his secret reason would lead her into a situation she could hardly have imagined.
After years of striving through internships, part-time jobs, and a disastrous summer selling overpriced skincare products, Emily had finally made it. She landed a real job with a steady paycheck, benefits—everything needed to start adult life. And the first thing on her to-do list? Buy a car.
But this wasn’t just any car. It was the car. The one she dreamed about during her lunch breaks, pretending to drive it instead of biting into yet another salad. Sleek, shiny, built to last—she could almost see the envy in her friends’ eyes as they spotted it in her driveway—at least that’s what she told herself.
This car was special not just for its leather seats or its tech that outdid her apartment’s. This car had a family history. Her father, Tom, had always raved about this model ever since she could remember cars. “That’s the one, Emily,” he’d affirm every time they spotted one on the road. “Solid, reliable. If I were to buy a car today, that would be it.
So, it had to be this car. It wasn’t just about her. It was… well, it was complicated.
When Emily called her dad to share the big news, she expected him to share her excitement. She could almost hear his voice in her head, “Good choice, Emily! You’ve always had an eye for the right stuff.” But when he picked up the phone, his reaction was… different than she expected.
“Do you really want that one?” His usually confident voice wavered as if he was suddenly unsure of everything. It wasn’t like him and it threw Emily off.
“Yes, Dad,” she replied, trying to inject some of her excitement into the conversation. “It’s the one you’ve always loved. The reliable and solid one, remember?”
He hesitated. A long pause that tightened her stomach a bit. “I don’t know, Emily. Maybe you should reconsider. These models… they have issues.”
Emily blinked. “Issues? Since when? You’ve been praising this car for years.”
“For me, of course,” he said distantly. “But for you… maybe something more affordable. Used, even.”
Used? He had to be joking, right? After everything she had been through, climbing out of tough times to land a real job, she deserved this. The new car smell and all.
“Dad, I’m not going to waste my money on something silly,” she said, trying to remain calm. “It’s a great car. I’ve done my research.”
He sighed, and it felt like he was miles away. “Think about it, Em. There’s no rush.”
That’s when things became urgent. But she wasn’t going to tell him that. So she muttered something like, “Yes, of course, I’ll think about it,” and hung up. She stared at her phone, his words echoing in her head. Since when was her dad so against the only car he had always praised?
In the weeks that followed, she kept bringing it up, trying to push him to regain the enthusiasm she was expecting. Each time, he found a new reason to reject the idea. “Wait a bit longer,” he’d say. “It’s not the right time.”
Emily felt torn. On one hand, this was her chance to do something big, for herself—at least, that’s what she believed. On the other, her father’s strange behavior made her question everything. Why was he so worried?
Eventually, she had enough. One Saturday, she got up early, put on her favorite jeans, and went to the dealership. No more hesitations. It was happening.
Upon arrival, the car was even more perfect in person. The paint sparkled in the sun, the interior was spotless, and the engine purred like a happy cat. She took a deep breath, letting the satisfaction wash over her. This was it. The car her dad had always admired, the one she was finally going to buy. This was meant to be.
But when it came time to handle the paperwork, the salesman, Mark, explained there was a slight issue with the payment. Emily’s credit report showed less available credit than expected and there was a $30,000 loan in her name that was 90 days overdue.
Shocked, Emily had no idea about any loan. This led her to investigate, and she discovered the loan had been taken out through an old joint account she had with her father when she was a teenager—an account she hadn’t touched in years. The only explanation was that her father had taken out this loan without her knowledge.
Confronting her father over the phone, he admitted to taking out the loan to buy a boat he thought they could afford. He didn’t want to worry her. This betrayal, using her credit without her consent, led Emily to a difficult decision—she ended up reporting her father for identity theft. It was a painful choice, but she felt it was necessary to protect her future.
This narrative explores themes of trust, betrayal, and the complexities of family relationships. Emily’s journey from excitement about a new car to dealing with her father’s betrayal shows a deep personal trial, one that changes her relationship with her father forever.
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