Uma mulher, não familiarizada com casamentos no país estrangeiro onde reside, recebeu um convite de uma colega mais velha e gentil, solicitando sua presença na ocasião importante de sua filha. Seguindo o código de “vestir-se para impressionar”, ela escolheu um traje tradicional de seu país para a ocasião. Para seu espanto, tanto a noiva quanto sua colega ficaram furiosas com sua escolha.
Empresária confiante com os braços cruzados no escritório | Foto: Getty Images
Em 25 de outubro de 2023, uma autora anônima compartilhou sua história no popular fórum do subreddit “AITA”. A autora do post , uma mulher negra africana de 27 anos, viveu e trabalhou na Alemanha por um certo período em destacamento. Durante sua estadia, ela formou uma amizade próxima com um colega de 60 anos.
Uma senhora idosa se olhando no espelho | Foto: Shutterstock
Esta senhora idosa convidou a mulher para o casamento de sua filha, o que a deixou animada, pois ela nunca tinha ido a um “casamento branco” antes. Para esclarecer as expectativas sobre o traje, ela perguntou sobre o código de vestimenta e o esquema de cores, que não estavam especificados no convite. Ela foi informada de que o código era “vestir-se para impressionar”.
O que aconteceu no dia do casamento?
A mulher aceitou o desafio e no dia do casamento ela usou confiantemente seu traje tradicional, uma linda vestimenta verde que se destacava claramente no ambiente alemão. A princípio, ela assumiu que não haveria problema com sua escolha. No entanto, ao longo do evento, ela recebeu inúmeras perguntas e elogios sobre sua roupa, que ela modestamente minimizou para não ofuscar o dia da noiva.
Quando chegou segunda-feira, a mulher sentiu uma atmosfera incomum no escritório, com sussurros abafados e colegas demonstrando um comportamento mais reservado do que o normal.
Membros da família comemorando uma recepção de casamento | Foto: Getty Images
“Minha parceira parece mais fria do que o normal, mas não dou a mínima porque ela é a mãe da noiva e pode estar preocupada. A noiva é totalmente rude comigo, mas de novo eu a enrolo. Eu a parabenizo e agradeço por me incluir, e recebo uma cara tensa em resposta”, disse a mulher.
Uma mulher vestida para uma ocasião especial | Foto: Getty Images
Durante todo o evento, a mulher permaneceu na periferia da sala e se distanciou da música que não combinava com seu gosto. Ela observou as nuances dos casamentos europeus, tentando entender as diferenças culturais. Depois de cinco horas, às 8 horas em ponto, ela fez sua saída, indo embora antes que o casamento terminasse.
Como todos reagiram quando a mulher voltou ao escritório na segunda-feira?
Quando chegou segunda-feira, a mulher sentiu uma atmosfera incomum no escritório, com sussurros em tom abafado e colegas mais reservados do que o normal. Uma amiga do escritório a chamou de lado e esclareceu a situação: a mãe da noiva estava furiosa.
Uma noiva com sua mãe | Foto: Getty Images
Segundo ela, o traje da mulher no casamento foi considerado muito extravagante e inapropriado, e desviou indevidamente a atenção da noiva. Aparentemente, a mãe havia falado sobre isso, espalhando a versão de que o traje da mulher não era apenas ostentoso, mas também desrespeitoso, causando um rebuliço entre os convidados.
Sentindo a necessidade de abordar o assunto, a mulher abordou a mãe da noiva e pediu que ela tivesse uma conversa. No entanto, a mãe da noiva recusou, alegando que não tinha nada a dizer a ela. Perplexa, a mulher perguntou por que ela havia compartilhado suas queixas com os outros, mas não as comunicou diretamente a ela. Em resposta, a mãe da noiva chamou a mulher de insolente.
Uma mulher em perigo | Foto: Shutterstock
Em sua defesa, a mulher esclareceu a qualquer um que a repreendesse que essa era sua primeira experiência com um casamento em um contexto cultural predominantemente branco. Ela enfatizou que havia buscado orientação específica sobre o que vestir e havia seguido as instruções que lhe foram dadas.
Um casal recém-casado celebrando sua união com amigos | Foto: Getty Images
A mulher explicou que em sua terra natal, os casamentos eram celebrações vibrantes onde os participantes usavam seus melhores trajes. O conceito de não ofuscar a noiva era estranho para ela. Quando alguém fazia um comentário racista, insinuando que pessoas daquela origem tinham melhores maneiras, a mulher respondia desafiadoramente, recusando-se a recuar. Como resultado, começaram a circular rumores de que ela não tinha remorso por suas ações, levando a perguntas sobre seu comportamento e se ela havia cometido um erro.
Elegantes castiçais e um buquê de flores brancas em um vaso | Foto: Pexels
A mulher compartilhou alguns detalhes adicionais de sua história, notando que estava prestes a embarcar em um voo depois que alguém lhe disse para voltar para seu país, um comentário que ela recebeu com humor. Ela reconheceu os comentários que recebeu e admitiu que, embora não estivesse errada, ela entendia que poderia ter se aprofundado mais ou feito mais pesquisas, o que era justo.
A mulher também explicou que seu uso de “casamento branco” foi em referência ao fato de que foi o primeiro casamento em que a noiva, o noivo e a festa nupcial usaram branco. Ela enfatizou que o termo não pretendia ter nenhum significado profundo. Ela também postou uma foto de um vestido semelhante ao que usou no casamento, para seus seguidores do Reddit verem.
Uma mulher relaxando em um avião | Foto: Getty Images
Respondendo a um comentarista que culpou a mãe, criticando-a por fofocar, dar conselhos errados e convidar a mulher para o casamento de sua filha, o que, segundo o comentarista, deveria ser responsabilidade do casal, a mulher explicou:
“De onde eu venho, [isso] não é nada fora do comum. Presumi que ele tinha definido [o número] de convidados ou tinha permissão da filha.”
Comentários dos leitores
“Isso é culpa da mãe. Não só por ser fofoqueira e dar conselhos ruins, mas também por convidar você para o casamento da filha dela. O casal deveria convidar as pessoas. Não é culpa sua”, comentou um usuário.
“Gostaria que mais noivas parassem de se preocupar com o que seus convidados vestem”, comentou outra.
“Oi, como imigrante do Leste Europeu, eu também não entendo essa coisa de ‘ofuscar’ a noiva. É por isso que no meu primeiro casamento americano anos atrás, eu também usei o meu melhor e me arrumei demais. Eu não conseguia imaginar não usar o meu melhor. Eu me casei com uma pessoa do Sudeste Asiático, e em ambas as culturas, você não pode ‘ofuscar’ a noiva. Você pode usar as joias mais brilhantes, e a noiva vai aparecer com um lustre cheio! Não leve para o lado pessoal, seus colegas parecem muito mesquinhos. No entanto, se eles continuarem a fazer comentários inapropriados, entre em contato com o RH. Não é sua culpa”, disse outro.
“Como alguém pode ofuscar a noiva a menos que esteja usando um vestido de noiva de verdade?! Eu sou sul-asiática e nosso código de vestimenta para casamento é EXTRAVAGANTE. APENAS vá tão extravagante quanto quiser porque a noiva vai ofuscar todo o local!” outro usuário comentou.
O que você acha dessa história? Você acha que a mulher cometeu um erro ao escolher uma roupa que ofuscou a noiva, ou que sua colega mais velha deveria ter sido mais explícita ao especificar o código de vestimenta?
The day after my fiancé disappeared from our wedding, I spotted him signing documents in my father’s office
I knew how much my fiancé loved me until he didn’t show up at the altar on our wedding day. A day later, I saw him signing papers in my father’s office without me knowing what it was about.
Brian and I visited our favorite fine-dining restaurant on the night of our sixth anniversary as a couple. He seemed very nervous, and I kept wondering why. “What’s wrong, Brian? Are you alright?” I asked him as he shifted in his seat a couple of times while looking behind me.
He nodded and tried his best to smile. “Yeah, of course, I’m okay,” he assured me. “It’s our anniversary and I couldn’t be happier.”
I smiled at his answer and proceeded to look at the menu. I had memorized the menu from all the times we’d been at the restaurant, but I still looked look over it for old time’s sake. By the time I looked up from the menu, I got the surprise of my life.
Brian was on one knee, and there was a group of musicians behind him, playing soft, romantic music with their violins. “Jane, honey. We’ve been together for six years now, and I’m more than certain that I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Brian declared. “Would you do me the honor of being my wife?” he asked.
I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands. “Of course, yes!” I said, jumping from my seat to give Brian a hug. I looked at the beautiful solitaire ring that Brian slipped on my finger and realized how long it would have taken him to save up for something so big and beautiful.
The following day, I went to visit my parents to let them know that Brian had proposed. My mom was delighted for me and gave me a big hug. However, my dad’s reaction was another story.
“You can’t possibly be happy marrying that man, Jane,” he told me. “What will become of you and your children? Will he even afford to buy you a house? To put your kids through private school?” he started to ask.
“Dad, how could you say that? Brian works hard, and I’m working too. We’ll figure it out together as every married couple does!” I shot back.
“How long did it take him to save up for that ring, anyway? As if that’s supposed to convince me that he can take care of you. If I were you, I’d give that ring back and call the wedding off. It’s not too late, Jane. There are many wealthy bachelors I can introduce you to – men that I can actually entrust my daughter and the future of my business with,” he told me.
I scoffed in disbelief, knowing all my dad ever cared about was money. I shook my head and left the house before I could say anything I’d regret.
Brian and I planned our wedding alone, with subtle help from my mom. Three months of preparation passed, and it was finally time for the big day.
Before the ceremony, Brian couldn’t find his sister and his niece. “Where are they?” he asked his mother. Reluctantly, Brian’s mom revealed that his niece Maxine had to be taken to the hospital for an emergency operation on her heart problem.
“Your sister’s been trying to find people she can borrow money from,” his mom told him. “The hospital won’t start on the operation unless they give a downpayment, but Maxine just doesn’t have that much time left. They need to start the operation as soon as they can.”
Without a second thought, Brian decided to approach my dad to ask for help. “Sir, I know this is going to sound bad, but I was wondering if you could lend me money for my niece’s operation. I had just spent most of what’s in my account on the wedding,” Brian admitted.
I decided to have a cup of coffee at a nearby coffee shop when I suddenly saw Brian looking around the area before entering my dad’s office building.
“I promise, I will pay you back in a month. I just need to get through the month before I get my paycheck,” he asked.
My father shook his head. “I knew you were up to no good,” he scoffed. “But yes, I will help you, on one condition,” he told Brian.
“What is it, sir? I’ll do anything,” Brian said without hesitation.
“You don’t need to pay me back for the money, but you need to disappear from Jane’s life. Run away, and never come back,” he declared.
Brian’s heart twitched upon hearing about my father’s condition. However, he remembered what his mom said about Maxine not having much time left, so he reluctantly agreed. It was his only chance to save his niece’s life.
A couple of minutes later, I was at the altar, weeping. Brian didn’t show up to the wedding, and everyone was trying to console me. “What happened? We were okay yesterday,” I cried. “Where did he go?” I kept asking, after hearing from guests that Brian was at the church earlier that morning.
The following day, my dad asked to meet me at his office. I was supposed to meet him in an hour and a half, but I arrived early.
I decided to have a cup of coffee at a nearby coffee shop when I suddenly saw Brian looking around the area before entering my dad’s office building. “What is he doing here?” I asked myself before deciding to follow him.
By the time I got the bill at the coffee shop, Brian had already entered the elevator. I had a feeling that he was on the way to my dad’s office, so I hurried up the next elevator to see what it was all about.
When I arrived, I saw Brian, my dad, and my dad’s lawyer in the same room. Because the glass windows were soundproof, I could not hear what they were talking about. Instead, I watched my dad’s lawyer hand Brian some papers, which he signed before shaking hands with the other men in the room.
I couldn’t stop myself from barging in at that point. “What is this?! What are those papers and why are you here?!” I yelled.
My dad had a smug look on his face as if telling me he knew this would happen all along. “Your groom here just agreed not to see you ever again in exchange for money,” he told me.
I looked at Brian with the most painful look of betrayal. “Is that true?” I said, trying not to choke from the tightening in my throat that came after hearing what my dad had said.
“I’m sorry, Jane. It’s Maxine. She’s dying, and she needs an expensive operation to save her life,” Brian cried. “Yesterday, I asked your dad for help, and he said he’d help me if I didn’t attend the wedding. I’m sorry, Jane. I can’t bear losing my niece,” he sobbed.
“He just signed the agreement that he would never show up in your life ever again. If you hadn’t shown up, the papers stated that he would not be allowed to tell you the truth, either. But now that you’re here, I guess it’s better for you to know that he replaced your relationship for money,” my dad said, slamming the papers on the table.
“How could you do this to me?!” I yelled at my dad. “My life is not some toy you can just play with! You ruined my relationship, and you ruined what was supposed to be the best day of my life!” I cried.
“What kind of father are you?! I never want to see you again,” I said before leaving his office.
I could feel my knees grow weak, and before I could even reach the elevator, I collapsed on the floor, crying. “Why?” I cried to nobody in particular. It was then that I felt Brian’s arms wrap around me.
“I’m sorry, Jane,” he cried. “I love you with all my heart, but I also couldn’t allow Maxine to die. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
“You are the kindest, most selfless man I know,” I told Brian. “I know you only meant well. But I hope you had told me instead of going to my dad. That way, we still could have continued our wedding, and we could have helped Maxine together.”
Brian nodded and sighed upon realizing his mistake. “I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t at the church yet, and your dad was the first one I saw when I heard the news. I’m sorry, Jane,” he apologized to me.
“I understand if you never want to see me again, but I wish you could give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you. I really do, Jane,” he tried to assure me.
“I know you do, Brian, and I love you just as much,” I replied.
That day, we decided to talk about our lives and what we could do moving forward. We visited Maxine at the hospital and paid for the surgery after getting refunds from our wedding suppliers. Maxine successfully underwent surgery, and she once again became the lively, loving girl we all once knew.
Three months passed, and Brian and I decided to start a new life together. We moved to a different city to start fresh, and I decided to cut my dad out of my life for good.
“I hope you understand why I had to do this, mom,” I said when I told my mom my decision of keeping away from dad. “It’s for my own good. He was too toxic for me, and I just couldn’t take it.”
It pained my mom to hear this, but she completely understood where I was coming from. “I will always be here for you, dear,” she assured me. “Please visit me, and always keep in touch. I can’t bear not seeing you for a long time.”
With my mom’s blessing, Brian and I got married in a simple celebration. Only my mom, his parents, a few of our close friends, and his sister and niece were in attendance.
Before leaving town, Brian and I mailed the check my dad had issued back to him. Since then, I never heard from him again. After quitting my job at the family company, he blocked my credit cards and any chance of receiving an inheritance.
With the money I had saved up for years and with Brian’s, too, we were able to buy a small house in the suburbs. I got a job at another company, and together, we worked hard to raise our three children in a loving environment.
What can we learn from this story?
Never let money get in the way of your relationship. Jane’s dad thought getting Brian away from her would be as simple as giving her money. However, when Jane found out the truth about what her dad did, she was angrier with him than with Brian, as she knew Brian was in a difficult situation that left him with no choice but to agree to her dad’s wishes.
Always be honest with your spouse and work through life’s challenges together. When Jane found out the truth, all she wanted was for Brian to have told her the truth, to begin with. That way, they could have avoided what happened at the wedding and continued on. Ultimately, they were able to work through their issues and work together to save Maxine and start a new life together without her dad in the picture.
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