I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along.Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
Dan Haggerty, Who Played Grizzly Adams
Dan Haggerty, who gained widespread recognition for his portrayal of the kind mountain man with a striking beard and his bear friend Ben in the NBC television series and 1974 film “The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams,” passed away on Friday in Burbank, California. His age was 73 years.
Terry Bomar, his manager and friend, stated that spinal cancer was the cause of death.
Dan Haggerty was creating a name for himself in Hollywood as an animal handler and stuntman before landing his famous part. When a producer requested him to appear in a few opening moments for a film about a woodsman and his bear, it was his big break. The plot, which is based on a novel by Charles Sellier Jr., centers on a man who flees to the woods after being wrongfully convicted of murder, becomes friends with the local wildlife, and takes in an abandoned bear.
Haggerty accepted to do the part, but he had one requirement: he had to appear in the whole film. Despite having a relatively low budget of $165,000, the film’s remake brought in close to $30 million at the box office. Because of this popularity, a television series was created, and in February 1977, Haggerty went back to playing the character of the wild and outdoorsy wilderness guardian.
The audience responded well to the show. It lukewarms the heart, as The New York Times’ John Leonard observed in his review. A large lump in the throat and a lot of communing with nature are experienced when a man and a bear hide out in a log cabin. Haggerty won a 1978 People’s Choice Award for being the most well-liked actor in a new series because of the series’ warm and sympathetic tone, which won over a lot of viewers.
The series also yielded two follow-ups: “Legend of the Wild,” which was broadcast on television in 1978 and eventually released in theaters in 1981, and “The Capture of Grizzly Adams,” a 1982 television film in which Adams ultimately exonerates himself of the false charge.
Born in Los Angeles on November 19, 1942, Daniel Francis Haggerty had a difficult upbringing. He had a turbulent childhood, breaking out of military school several times before coming home with his actor-father in Burbank when his parents divorced when he was three years old.
Haggerty was married twice in his personal life. When he was 17, he got married to Diane Rooker, but they later got divorced. In 2008, he lost his second wife, Samantha Hilton, in a horrific motorbike accident. His children, Don, Megan, Tracy, Dylan, and Cody, survive him.
In his debut motion picture, “Muscle Beach Party” (1964), Haggerty portrayed bodybuilder Biff. After that, he played supporting parts in motorcycle and wildlife movies. He was a hippie commune member in “Easy Rider.” He also played the role off-screen, living with a variety of wild creatures he had either tamed or rescued on a small ranch in Malibu Canyon.
His expertise with animals led to positions as an animal trainer and stuntman for television shows including “Daktari” and “Tarzan.” He kept taking on parts like “Where the North Wind Blows” (1974) and “The Adventures of Frontier Fremont” (1976) that highlighted his affinity for the natural world. His love of outdoor parts brought him roles evoking Grizzly Adams to movies like “Grizzly Mountain” (1997) and “Escape to Grizzly Mountain” (2000).
Haggerty had appearances in a number of horror movies later in his career, such as “Terror Night” (1987) and “Elves” (1989). He was involved in court in 1985 and was given a 90-day jail sentence for distributing cocaine to police officers who were undercover.
Tragic incidents also occurred in his life. Haggerty suffered third-degree burns to his arms when a diner carrying a burning drink unintentionally caught his renowned beard on fire in 1977 when he was dining. Despite being admitted to the hospital and supposed to stay for a month, he left after just ten days, claiming to have expertise of curing animals.
“The first couple of days I just lay in the dark room drinking water, like a wounded wolf trying to heal myself,” he said, reflecting on his injury, to People magazine.
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