For weeks, my neighbor’s underpants stole the spotlight outside my 8-year-old son’s window. When he naively questioned if her thongs were slingshots, I decided it was time to put an end to this panty parade and teach her a valuable lesson in laundry etiquette.
Ah, suburbia! The grass is usually greener on the other side, mostly because your neighbor’s sprinkler system is superior to yours. That’s where I, Thompson’s wife Kristie, opted to establish roots with my 8-year-old son Jake. Life was as smooth as a freshly botoxed forehead until Lisa, our new neighbor, came in next door.
It began on Tuesday. I remember because it was wash day, and I was folding a mountain of tiny superhero underwear, courtesy of Jake’s recent obsession.
Looking out his bedroom window, I almost choked on my coffee. A pair of hot pink, lace underwear flew in the breeze like the world’s most indecent flag.
And they were not alone. Oh no, they were not alone — a full rainbow of underpants was dancing in the breeze in front of my son’s window.
“Holy guacamole,” I muttered, dropping a pair of Batman briefs. “Is this a laundry line or Victoria’s Secret runway?”
Jake’s voice piped up behind me, “Mom, why does Mrs. Lisa have her underwear outside?”
My face burned hotter than my malfunctioning dryer. “Uh, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa just… really likes fresh air. Why don’t we close these curtains, huh? Give the laundry some privacy.”
“But Mom,” Jake persisted, his eyes wide with innocent curiosity, “if Mrs. Lisa’s underwear likes fresh air, shouldn’t mine go outside too? Maybe my Hulk undies could make friends with her pink ones!”
I held back a laugh that threatened to blossom into a wild sob. “Honey, your underwear is… shy. It prefers to stay inside where it’s cozy.”
As I ushered Jake out, I couldn’t resist thinking, “Welcome to the neighborhood, Kristie. Hope you brought your sense of humor and a sturdy pair of curtains.”
Days stretched into weeks, and Lisa’s laundry service became as routine as my daily coffee, and as welcoming as a cold cup of coffee with a splash of curdled milk.
Every day, a new set of panties appeared outside my son’s window, and I found myself playing the awkward game of “shield the child’s eyes.”
One afternoon, while I was cooking a snack in the kitchen, Jake burst in, his face etched with bewilderment and eagerness, making my mom-sense prickle with fear.
“Mom,” he started, in that tone that always preceded a question I wasn’t prepared for, “why does Mrs. Lisa have so many different colored underwear? And why are some of them so small? With strings? Are they for her pet hamster?”
I almost dropped the knife I was using to spread peanut butter, picturing Lisa’s response at being told her delicates were rodent-sized.
“Well, honey,” I stammered, buying time, “everyone has different preferences for their clothes. Even the ones we don’t usually see.”
Jake nodded sagely as if I’d imparted some great wisdom. “So, it’s like how I like my superhero underwear, but grown-up? Does Mrs. Lisa fight crime at night? Is that why her underwear is so small? For aerodynamics?”
I choked on air, caught between laughter and horror. “Uh, not exactly, sweetie. Mrs. Lisa isn’t a superhero. She’s just very confident.”
“Oh,” Jake replied, little disappointed. Then his face brightened up again.
“But Mom, if Mrs. Lisa can hang her underwear outside, can I hang mine too? I bet my Captain America boxers would look super cool flapping in the wind!”
“Sorry, buddy,” I said, ruffling his hair. “Your underwear is special. It needs to stay hidden to, uh, protect your secret identity.”
As Jake nodded and munched on his lunch, I looked out the window at Lisa’s colorful underwear display.
This could not continue on. It was time to talk with our exhibitionist neighbor. ?.
The following day, I marched over to Lisa’s place.
I rang the doorbell, flashing my best “concerned neighbor” smile, the same one I use to assure the HOA that “no, my garden gnomes are not offensive, they’re whimsical.”
Lisa responded, appearing as if she had just come out of a shampoo advertisement.
“Oh, hi there! Kristie, right?” she frowned.
“That’s right! Listen, Lisa, I hoped we could chat about something.”
She leaned against the doorframe, eyebrow raised. “Oh? What’s on your mind? Need to borrow a cup of sugar? Or maybe a cup of confidence?” She glanced pointedly at my mom jeans and oversized t-shirt.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that jail orange is not my color. “It’s about your laundry. Specifically, where you hang it.”
Lisa’s flawlessly groomed brows furrowed. “My laundry? What about it? Is it too fashion-forward for the neighborhood?”
“Well, it’s just that it’s right in front of my son’s window. The, um, underwear especially. It’s a bit exposing. Jake’s starting to ask questions. Yesterday, he asked if your thongs were slingshots.”
“Oh, honey. They’re just clothes! It’s not like I’m hanging up nuclear launch codes. Although, between you and me, my leopard print bikini bottoms are pretty explosive!”
I felt my eye twitch. “I understand, but Jake is only eight. He’s curious. This morning, he asked if he could hang his Superman undies next to your, uh, ‘crime-fighting gear’.”
“Well, then, sounds like a perfect opportunity for some education. You’re welcome! I’m practically running a public service here. And why should I care about your son? It’s my yard. Toughen up!”
“Excuse me?”
Lisa waved her hand dismissively. “Listen, if you’re that bothered by a few pairs of panties, maybe you need to loosen up. It’s my yard, my rules. Deal with it. Or better yet, buy some cuter underwear. I could give you some tips if you’d like.”
And with that, she slammed the door in my face, leaving me standing there with my mouth open, likely gathering flies.
I was stunned. “Oh, it is ON,” I muttered, turning on my heel. “You want to play dirty laundry? Game on, Lisa. Game. On.” ?
That night, I sat at my sewing machine.
Yards of the most gaudy, eye-searing cloth I could locate sat before me. It was the type of cloth that could be seen from space and perhaps even attract alien life forms!
“You think your little lacy numbers are something to see, Lisa?” I muttered, feeding the fabric through the machine. “Wait till you get a load of this. E.T. will phone home about these babies.”
After hours, I finished creating the world’s largest and most irritating pair of granny panties. ?
They were large enough to serve as a parachute, loud enough to be heard from space, and just insignificant enough to prove my argument.
If Lisa’s underwear was a whisper, mine was a fabric-covered foghorn.
That afternoon, as soon as I saw Lisa’s car leave her driveway, I sprung into action.
With my improvised clothesline and gigantic flamingo underpants ready, I dashed across our lawns, ducking between plants and lawn ornaments.
With the coast clear, I hung my handiwork just in front of Lisa’s living room window. Stepping back to examine my work, I couldn’t help but smile.
The enormous flamingo undies fluttered gloriously in the afternoon air. They were so enormous that a family of four could certainly use them as a tent while camping.
“Take that, Lisa,” I whispered, scurrying back home. “Let’s see how you like a taste of your own medicine. Hope you brought your sunglasses, because it’s about to get BRIGHT in the neighborhood.”
Back at home, I took up a position beside the window. I felt like a kid waiting for Santa, but instead of gifts, I was waiting for Lisa to uncover my small surprise.
The minutes passed like hours.
Just as I was wondering if Lisa had chosen to turn her errands into a surprise holiday, I heard the familiar sound of her car approaching the driveway.
It’s show time.
Lisa stepped outside, arms full of shopping bags, and froze. Her mouth dropped so quickly, I thought it could detach. The bags slid from her fingers, scattering their contents across the driveway.
I swear I spotted a pair of polka-dot panties rolling across the yard. Lisa, you are so classy.
“WHAT THE HELL…??” she screeched, loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. “Is that a parachute? Did the circus come to town?”
I burst into laughter. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I watched Lisa dash up to the enormous undies and grab at them futilely. It was like witnessing a chihuahua attempt to take down a Great Dane.
Composing myself, I strolled outside. “Oh, hi Lisa! Doing some redecorating? I love what you’ve done with the place. Very avant-garde.”
She whirled on me, face as pink as the undies of my creation. “You! You did this! What is wrong with you? Are you trying to signal aircraft?”
I shrugged. “Just hanging out some laundry. Isn’t that what neighbors do? I thought we were starting a trend.”
“This isn’t laundry!” Lisa shrieked, gesturing wildly at the undies. “This is… this is…”
“A learning opportunity?” I suggested sweetly. “You know, for the neighborhood kids. Jake was very curious about the aerodynamics of underwear. I thought a practical demonstration might help.”
Lisa’s mouth expanded and closed, like a fish out of water. Finally, she sputtered, “Take. It. Down.”
I tapped my chin thoughtfully. “Hmm, I don’t know. I kind of like the breeze it’s getting. Really airs things out, you know? Plus, I think it’s bringing the property values up. Nothing says ‘classy neighborhood’ like giant novelty underwear.”
For a moment, I thought Lisa might spontaneously combust. Then, to my surprise, her shoulders sagged. “Fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “You win. I’ll move my laundry. Just… please, take this monstrosity down. My retinas are burning.”
I chuckled, extending my hand. “Deal. But I have to say, I think flamingos are your color.”
As we shook on it, I couldn’t help but add, “By the way, Lisa? Welcome to the neighborhood. We’re all a little crazy here. Some of us just hide it better than others.”
Lisa’s laundry has been missing from the clothesline in front of Jake’s window since that day. She never addressed it again, and I never had to cope with her “life lessons” either.
And me? Let’s just say I now have a really unusual set of curtains made of flamingo fabric. Don’t waste, don’t want, right?
Jake was slightly bummed that the “underwear slingshots” were no longer available. But I informed him that sometimes being a superhero entails keeping your undergarments a secret. What if he ever sees huge flamingo undies flying through the sky? Mom is protecting the neighborhood with outrageous pranks! ?
My In-Laws’ Christmas Gift Felt like a Slap in the Face
When Alicia and Matt’s Christmas holiday trip to Jamaica is canceled due to his father’s open-heart surgery, they decide that spending time with the family is more important. Weeks later, Nancy, Matt’s mother, promises the couple a gift… only to take it back later and replace it with something unexpected.
Every family has its quirks, but my husband’s family is exceptional. They’re the kind who do everything together, who share big plans, and who never think twice about helping out.
I’d always admired that sense of closeness; it wasn’t something that I was used to with my own family. So, I was grateful for how they had welcomed me into their own.
A smiling woman | Source: Midjourney
“Your family is the best gift you could have given me, Matt,” I told my husband early on in our relationship.
“Alicia, they’re your family now, too. You can count on them for whatever you need. I promise you, they’ll always be there for you. Especially my mom.”
And you know what? I believed him.
A smiling couple | Source: Midjourney
This year, we planned a holiday of our own—a Christmas trip to Jamaica. It was supposed to be a special reset for us after months of long hours at work, endless bills, and a list of stressors we hadn’t been able to shake. We found a website that offered a great discount, and before we knew it, we were booked and almost ready to go.
All we wanted was to let our hair down, drink cocktails on the beach, and get in as much sunshine as we could.
But in early November, my father-in-law, Derek, suffered a heart attack, and within days, he was scheduled for open-heart surgery.
A man sleeping in a hospital bed | Source: Midjourney
We didn’t think twice about staying. Derek was Matt’s biggest supporter, and we knew that if the roles were reversed, Derek would be the first one at his bedside.
Losing our vacation was nothing if it meant being there to support Matt’s family. And if I’m honest, being with them at Christmas felt like the right thing to do. We could have our beach vacation another time.
After Derek’s surgery, we all settled into a new holiday plan: Christmas at home, but together.
A man sleeping on a couch | Source: Midjourney
“It’s nothing that different from our usual Christmas plans,” Matt said as he read the messages on the family group chat. “At least we’ll all be together, and Dad will get the support he needs.”
“I agree,” I said. “And I’ll make all his favorites, just heart-condition-friendly versions of them.”
A few weeks after Thanksgiving, my mother-in-law, Nancy, called and mentioned they wanted to do something extra for us. Of course, I didn’t expect anything, but her offer took me by surprise.
A couple sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
She said she and Derek would be giving us a generous gift.
“Nancy, please, you don’t have to do anything,” I said.
“Alicia, just listen, darling,” she said. “Let me speak. I know that you and Matt have been going through so much this year, especially when the plumbing needed to be sorted out. It’s been heavy…”
An older woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
“It hasn’t been easy, Nancy,” I said. “You’re right. But we did get most of our trip refunded, so we’re good.”
“Darling, stop,” she said. “Derek and I talked, and we’d like to offer you some financial help. Use it however you need, okay?”
When she told me the amount, I nearly fainted. They were offering us the equivalent of a full month’s salary.
I felt my voice catch.
A woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
“Are you serious?” I managed, barely believing it.
“Of course, darling,” she replied warmly. “We know you and Matt had a hard year. We want to help you two catch up.”
I hung up the phone, practically in tears. For the first time in ages, I felt relief instead of worry. I imagined what this money could mean for us.
A woman holding her phone | Source: Midjourney
We could catch up on bills, pay off credit card debt, maybe even have a little left over for something fun. It was a gift that meant security, peace, and breathing room.
For the first two weeks, I felt lighter than I had in ages. I pictured us on a holiday without the burden of stress hanging over us. I even allowed myself to imagine having enough left over to start saving again.
For the first time, our financial worries seemed less overwhelming.
A smiling woman daydreaming | Source: Midjourney
But then, everything changed with a single text.
Matt and I were sitting down to breakfast when he got a message from his mom. He was salting his eggs when his phone buzzed, rattling the cutlery on the table.
Hi darling, Dad and I have changed our minds a bit on the Christmas gift. We’ve decided that instead of the money, we thought you & Ali would enjoy a weekend at a spa. We’ve prepaid it already. January.
Food on a table | Source: Midjourney
“What?” I whispered, reading the message over Matt’s shoulder, my face hot.
“They didn’t mention anything about this before,” Matt mumbled, scrolling back through the message thread as if he’d missed a message from his mother.
The phone chimed again.
A man using his phone | Source: Midjourney
We decided to cover Maddie and Josh’s accommodation in Italy this summer. They’re planning a big family trip. We thought it would be a nice way to make sure they could join us! xx
As the meaning of the words sank in, I felt like I’d been slapped across the face.
“They… they’re just going to take it back?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “The money, the promise… they’re just dropping it for a spa weekend?
A spa setting | Source: Midjourney
Matt looked at me, clearly at a loss.
“I don’t know what to say. They probably thought it’d be… you know, relaxing for us?” he said.
Relaxing?
I imagined Maddie and Josh taking photos in Italy, sending them to the family group chat for us to see…
A couple in Italy | Source: Midjourney
I felt my hands clench as the weight of this entire thing hit me. I’d been holding onto this promise for weeks now. I had pictured how we’d finally get out of our financial rut, and now we’d been handed a weekend of massages and facials instead.
I struggled to hold my composure.
“Matt,” I began. “You know that I’m not ungrateful…”
A woman getting a facial | Source: Midjourney
I began pacing the kitchen as I tried to gather my thoughts.
“It’s just… that money was a solution. It was something real, something we could count on to make things easier. Now, they’re giving us a spa weekend? And… paying for accommodation in Italy?”
“I get it, Alicia. I get it, babe, trust me,” Matt replied, running a hand through his hair. “But it’s hard. They’re trying to do something nice, you know?”
A man holding his head | Source: Midjourney
“Are they?” I shot back, frustrated. “Or are they just throwing money at something flashy because they don’t actually understand what we need? Your sister’s going to Italy with them, Matt. Italy. With her boyfriend. And she earns way more than I make in a month.”
Matt was silent as he buttered his toast slowly.
“We’re over here barely scraping by, Matt. I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m just disappointed. I wasn’t banking on the money, but I just imagined all the stress being… removed from our lives.”
Buttered toast on a plate | Source: Midjourney
I sank back down into my seat. I wanted to put my head down and cry. I felt like I’d just lost something so important to me. But in reality, it wasn’t even mine to feel the loss over.
The money was Nancy and Derek’s. We had no claim over it at all.
Matt sighed and leaned closer to me, his shoulders touching mine.
An upset woman | Source: Midjourney
“I don’t know, love,” he said. “Maybe they do see it that way. I don’t think they understand what it’s like to struggle. My sister’s never had to worry, and Mom and Dad don’t live in our reality.”
Part of me wanted to pick up the phone and call my mother-in-law, to tell her exactly how I felt. I imagined the conversation, my words measured and calm.
I would explain that her change of plans felt hurtful, that throwing around large sums only to take them back seemed thoughtless.
A woman holding her head | Source: Midjourney
I imagined saying something like, “Look, we don’t need a spa weekend. I don’t need a spa weekend. I need help.”
But how would that go? Would she understand, or would she just think I was ungrateful? Would she tell me I was spoiled for wanting more than they offered?
A woman with her hands on her hips | Source: Midjourney
As I ran through the possible outcomes in my mind, another thought crept in. Christmas with Matt’s family had always felt lavish, almost alien to Matt’s and my current financial reality.
His parents loved to surprise everyone with over-the-top gifts, like high-end gadgets and designer clothes.
Meanwhile, I was trying my best to keep up with it all, to pretend I wasn’t doing mental calculations every time they handed me something expensive.
A pile of Christmas presents | Source: Midjourney
I didn’t want to be that person, but the discomfort lingered, year after year. This time, though, it wasn’t about receiving something over the top.
It was about a broken promise, one that could have changed things for us.
I looked at my now-cold cup of coffee, feeling nauseous.
Matt finally spoke, his tone gentle.
A cup of coffee on a table | Source: Midjourney
“Look, if it’s really bothering you, maybe we should talk to them. I’ll go with you. We can tell them how we’re feeling without sounding so rude.”
I shook my head.
“No, love,” I said. “I understand… and it wouldn’t help. We’ll just come across as being petty or greedy. They won’t understand why this hurts us.”
A woman with her hand on her head | Source: Midjourney
Matt didn’t argue, but I could see the sadness in his eyes.
He knew as well as I did that this wasn’t just about the gift. It was about feeling overlooked, like our struggles didn’t matter in the world they lived in.
It was about a reminder that we’d never truly belong to the same world.
I took a deep breath.
A man looking sad | Source: Midjourney
“We’ll accept the spa weekend,” I said, the words coming out flat, resigned. “We’ll go, and we’ll pretend it’s everything we wanted. Because that’s what they expect. It’s easier that way, right?”
Matt’s hand found mine.
“I’m so sorry, my love,” he said. “I wish I could fix this.”
I looked at him, fighting back tears.
A couple holding hands | Source: Midjourney
“I know you do, Matt,” I said. “I just wish… I wish they understood us a little more. That’s all.”
And with that, I realized the real gift I wanted wasn’t money or a spa weekend. It was understanding, a sense of connection that went beyond their gestures.
And somehow, I knew that was the one thing they’d never be able to give us.
A couple sitting together | Source: Midjourney
What would you have done?
If you enjoyed this story, here’s another for you |
My Stepmother ‘Gifted’ Me an Old, Smelly Couch — When She Saw What I Did With It, She Demanded $2,500 From Me
When Nicole’s stepmother calls her saying that she has a gift for her, Nicole goes over excitedly. But when she discovers what the gift is, Nicole is torn between keeping her father happy or retaliating. Finally, she accepts it and plans to transform it into something completely different. In the end Nicole is ready to claim the rewards of her hard work.
Ever have one of those moments where you should’ve just trusted your gut? Yep, that was me, standing in my stepmother’s basement, staring at the ugliest, smelliest couch I’d ever seen.
A close up of a young woman | Source: Midjourney
My stepmother, Susan, called me earlier that morning with a grand gesture for my birthday. She insisted that she had a “priceless” gift that was too big for her to move alone.
“You’re going to love it, Nicole!” she said. “It’s absolutely priceless! Come over later today, and we’ll show it to you.”
Now, this is the point when I tell you that Susan and I had never been close. In fact, if I’m being honest, she barely tolerated my existence. So, imagine my absolute surprise when she offered me a gift.
A smiling woman | Source: Midjourney
“Curiosity killed the cat, Nic,” I said to myself as I got into the car.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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