Ho ho ho! Feeling festive? These Christmas jokes will have you laughing louder than Santa’s belly shake. Warning: excessive cheer, snort-laughing, and spontaneous caroling may occur. Proceed with caution… and cookies!
Jingle all the way to laughter! Grab your eggnog and settle in for some holiday hilarity. These jokes are Santa-approved and guaranteed to make you laugh harder than your uncle after too much Christmas pudding.
Santa Claus laughing in the snow | Source: Midjourney
1. The Christmas Trap
Mike drummed his fingers on his desk, staring at his phone. His wife Janet gave him a knowing wink from across the room, already struggling to contain her laughter. Time for their annual Christmas scheme.
“Hey kiddo,” Mike said after his 20-year-old son picked up in Fairbanks, trying to sound devastated. “I hate to drop this bomb, but… your mother and I are getting divorced.”
“WHAT?” Ryan’s voice cracked so hard that his neighbor’s cat fell off the windowsill. “Dad, you can’t be serious! You just posted those matching Christmas sweater photos!”
A shocked young man holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
“Dead serious. Can’t stand looking at her cookbooks anymore. Three hundred and forty-two sugar cookie recipes is where I draw the line. Call your sister in Sydney. I’m done talking about it.”
Ryan immediately called his sister Ashley, nearly dropping his phone in his panic. “Dad’s lost his mind! They’re getting divorced over a cookbook!”
“OVER MY DEAD BODY AND EVERY CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT I OWN!” Ashley screeched, making her office plants wilt. She speed-dialed home. “Listen here, old man! Don’t you DARE sign anything! Ryan and I are flying home TONIGHT!”
A shocked woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Mike hung up and high-fived Janet, and both of them doubled over with laughter. “Works every year. Both kids coming home for Christmas. And they’re buying their own tickets!”
Janet wiped tears from her eyes. “Should we tell them this is how we got them to come to Thanksgiving too?”
“Nah,” Mike grinned. “Let’s save that trick for Easter!”
An older man with a wicked grin | Source: Midjourney
2. The Christmas Angel
Eleanor had been working in the Dead Letter Office for five years, but she’d never seen anything quite like this — an envelope addressed simply to “God” in shaky handwriting that looked like it had been written during an earthquake.
Inside was a letter that made her heart squeeze:
“Dear God, I’m Martha, 85 years young and running low on miracles. Some sneaky youngster with unusually fast hands swiped my purse yesterday with my entire month’s pension. $120. I’ve got five dear friends coming for Christmas dinner, and now I can’t even afford a can of cranberry sauce. I know you’re busy with world peace and all, but could you spare a miracle for an old lady with a sweet tooth and empty cupboards? Love, Martha (the one with the crooked garden gnome collection at the end of Maple Street).”
A lady postal services worker reading a letter | Source: Midjourney
Eleanor shared the letter with her coworkers. By lunch, they’d collected $116, raiding coffee funds, lunch money, and that secret candy bar stash everyone pretended not to know about.
A week after Christmas, another letter arrived:
“Dear God, You’re a real peach! That $116 you’d left in my mailbox made for the best Christmas dinner ever! My friends said it was divine intervention. I’d say they’re right! Even my arthritis felt better!
P.S. Some sticky-fingered postal worker must’ve skimmed $4 off the top. Might want to look into that. I hear you’ve got connections with Santa’s naughty list! Love, Martha.”
A cheerful older lady enjoying Christmas dinner with her friends | Source: Midjourney
3. North Pole Chaos
“Code Red! Code Red!” Junior Elf Timothy squeaked into the North Pole intercom, his voice cracking like ice in hot cocoa. “Four senior elves down with candy cane flu! The toy production line looks like a modern art exhibition!”
Santa rubbed his temples, watching the trainee elves turn teddy bears into abstract sculptures. Mrs. Claus chose that perfect moment to chirp, “Honey, Mother’s coming for Christmas! She’s bringing her entire fruitcake collection… even the one that set off the North Pole airport security!”
In the stables, Rudolph was organizing a reindeer union strike, demanding premium carrots and heated stalls. Dancer was in labor (terrible timing), and Prancer had eloped with a local moose named Bruce who promised her a cabin in the woods.
Startled Santa Claus | Source: Midjourney
Santa trudged to load the sleigh, only to hear an ominous CRACK! The floor splintered like thin ice, sending toys scattering everywhere like confetti at a New Year’s party gone wrong.
Stumbling inside for coffee, he found the elves had replaced it with sugar-free hot chocolate with a tag that read: “It’s healthier, Boss!” The milk jug slipped from his hands, shattering into a million pieces that sparkled like evil little stars on the kitchen floor. The cleanup broom looked like it had been through a beaver party. Suddenly, the doorbell buzzed.
DING DONG!
Santa Claus holding a broom | Source: Midjourney
Santa yanked open the door, ready to cancel Christmas entirely. There stood a tiny angel, struggling under a massive Christmas tree that made her look like a sprite with an oversized umbrella.
“Special delivery!” she beamed, twinkling with festive cheer. “Where would you like me to stick it?”
And that’s why Christmas trees have angels on top, sporting slightly alarmed expressions and questioning their career choices.
An angel under a Christmas tree | Source: Midjourney
4. Heavenly Volume
Tommy and Jack were spending Christmas Eve at Grandma Rose’s house, famous for her legendary sugar cookies and selective hearing that rivaled military-grade noise-canceling technology.
At bedtime, Tommy (age 6) knelt beside his bed and began his strategic prayer:
“DEAR GOD, I WOULD REALLY LOVE A NEW XBOX…”
“AND A REMOTE CONTROL DINOSAUR THAT ACTUALLY BREATHES FIRE…”
“AND MAYBE A ROCKET SHIP WITH REAL ROCKET FUEL…”
A little boy praying | Source: Midjourney
Jack (age 8) nudged his brother, rolling his eyes. “Dude, volume control! God’s not streaming on Spotify!”
Tommy shot back with a mischievous grin that would make elves proud. “Yeah, but Grandma is doing her Christmas shopping tomorrow, and her hearing aid’s been acting up since she tried to bluetooth it to her toaster!”
A little boy looking up and laughing | Source: Midjourney
5. The Shopping Surprise
Linda lost track of her husband Dave at the crowded mall during last-minute Christmas shopping. After 20 minutes of searching between the endless sea of panic-buying shoppers, she called his cell.
“Dave, where on earth did you disappear to? The mall closes in an hour!”
“Honey,” his voice softened mysteriously, “remember that fancy jewelry store from our first Christmas together? The one where you fell in love with that stunning sapphire necklace, but we were so broke we could barely afford the window shopping?”
A man talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
Linda’s heart fluttered, her anger melting faster than a snowman in July. “The one on Fifth Street? Oh my god, Dave… you didn’t…”
“Well,” he paused dramatically, “I’m in the dollar store next door. They’re having a massive sale on gift bags! Three for a dollar! Want me to grab some?”
A woman gaping in shock | Source: Midjourney
6. The Carol Critic
“Hey Emma,” her little brother Charlie called from the doorway, munching on his third candy cane of the morning. “You should totally join the Christmas choir at school! They’re still accepting applications!”
14-year-old Emma stopped practicing her scales, hope blooming in her eyes. “Really? You actually like my singing? After all this time?”
“Nah,” Charlie grinned, revealing red and white striped teeth. “But they only perform once a year, and I already know which day to wear my noise-canceling headphones!”
A stunned teenage girl holding a songbook | Source: Midjourney
7. The Gift Switch
At the office Christmas party, Tom was bragging about the amazing gift he got his wife Sarah, waving his phone around with photos.
“Check it out, man. Diamond earrings! Cost me a fortune, but worth every penny!”
His coworker Steve whistled, sipping his fourth cup of spiked eggnog. “But didn’t Sarah specifically ask for that new SUV? The one she’s been hinting about since last Christmas?”
“She did,” Tom smirked, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “But try finding a fake Ford Explorer that’ll fool your mother-in-law!”
A man holding a pair of earrings and laughing | Source: Midjourney
8. The Budget Tree
“Dad, pleeeease can we get a real Christmas tree this year?” little Jimmy begged for the hundredth time, giving his best puppy dog eyes. “I’m tired of explaining to my friends why our plastic tree smells like a basement and old tennis shoes!”
Frank grabbed his axe and wallet, sighing dramatically while secretly winking at his wife. “Fine. The things I do for Christmas spirit…”
He returned suspiciously quickly with a perfect tree, not a drop of sweat in sight.
A man holding an axe | Source: Midjourney
“That was fast,” Jimmy said, eyeing the pristine axe. “Did you even use it?”
“Nope!” Frank grinned proudly. “But the tree lot guy offered a 75% discount when I started examining the trees with it! Sometimes the best lumberjack is the one who never swings!”
A stunned boy | Source: Midjourney
9. The Biblical Bird
Three brothers — Richie, Steve, and Joe — gathered for their annual post-Christmas brag-fest about their gifts to their 80-year-old mother.
Richie puffed up his chest. “I built her a mansion with an elevator and a meditation room!”
Steve smirked, twirling his car keys. “Amateur. I bought her a Rolls-Royce with a personal chauffeur!”
Joe leaned back, sipping his cocoa. “You guys are so last season. Remember how Mom loves the Bible but can’t see well? I found this amazing parrot that recites the entire Bible on command. Took the church elders twelve years to train him. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse!”
A person in church holding a parrot | Source: Midjourney
Their mother’s thank-you notes arrived the next week:
“Dear Richie: The mansion’s lovely, but I’m too old to remember which of the 7 bathrooms I left my glasses in.
Dear Steve: The car’s beautiful, but my driver keeps falling asleep during my stories.
Dear Joe: The chicken was pretty small but delicious! Especially with the sage stuffing!”
Roasted chicken on the table | Source: Midjourney
10. The Window Shopping Incident
Karen spotted the perfect Christmas party dress sparkling in the store’s window display, guaranteed to make her the talk of the office party.
“Excuse me,” she called to a passing saleswoman. “Could I try on that gorgeous shimmery dress in the window? The one with the sequins?”
The saleswoman clutched her pearls, looking thoroughly scandalized. “Absolutely not, Ma’am! We have perfectly good fitting rooms for that sort of thing. This isn’t that kind of establishment!”
A dress displayed in a store | Source: Midjourney
11. The Santa Hotline
Sophie was driving her mom crazy with constant battles with her teenage sister Madison. The latest war was over borrowed (stolen) Christmas sweaters and who ate the last gingerbread cookie.
Mom had enough. “That’s it! I’m calling Santa!”
She dialed her brother Bob, resident Santa impersonator extraordinaire. Sophie’s eyes grew huge as Mom detailed her crimes against sisterhood, including the Great Hair Dryer Incident of last Tuesday.
“Santa wants a word with you,” Mom handed over the phone, trying not to smirk as her master plan unfolded.
A smiling woman holding a phone | Source: Midjourney
Uncle Bob dropped his voice to subterranean levels. “Sophie, Sophie, Sophie… No presents for girls who torment their sisters. I’m watching! And yes, I saw you hide that cookie under your pillow!”
Sophie nodded solemnly through the lecture, then hung up with a suspicious gleam in her eye.
“Well?” Mom asked, expecting victory. “What did Santa say?”
Sophie shrugged, skipping away. “He said Madison’s getting coal this year. Apparently, she’s the real troublemaker. Also, he said you should check your own cookie stash, Mom!”
A little girl smiling | Source: Midjourney
And there you have it, folks! If these jokes made you laugh, share them faster than your relatives share embarrassing childhood stories at Christmas dinner! Keep spreading the holiday cheer with these 10 More Best Christmas Jokes. Ho ho ho!
Cheerful Santa Claus laughing | Source: Midjourney
I Asked My Husband for Money for Office Clothes After Maternity Leave — He Replied, ‘Get a Job as a Cleaner, You Don’t Need Fancy Clothes There’
Sometimes, life hands you lemons in the form of a careless husband. When mine suggested I become a cleaner instead of buying new work clothes, I took his advice. But I did it with a twist he never saw coming.
The worst part about betrayal? It always comes from someone you trust.
I went on maternity leave a year ago, completely devoting myself to our son, Ethan.
A woman holding her baby | Source: Pexels
Late-night feedings, endless diaper changes, keeping our house together, making sure Tyler always had a hot meal waiting after work… I did it all.
And honestly? I didn’t mind. Being a mom was challenging but rewarding in ways my office job never was.
The tiny smiles and the first giggles… they just filled my heart with joy I can never explain in words.
A toddler sitting on the floor | Source: Pexels
But after a year, it was time for me to go back to work. I was actually excited. I missed adult conversations that didn’t revolve around baby food. I missed feeling like more than just a mom.
Except, there was a problem.
“Tyler, none of my work clothes fit anymore,” I said one evening while folding laundry. Ethan was finally down for the night, and Tyler was sitting on the couch.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
A man sitting on a couch | Source: Midjourney
I sighed, holding up a pencil skirt that used to be my go-to office staple. “I mean, my body changed after having your child. I’ve tried everything in my closet, and nothing fits right anymore.”
“So? Just wear something else.”
“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t have anything else. I need to buy a few new outfits for the office.” I sat beside him on the couch. “I was hoping we could use some of our savings for that.”
That’s when he gave me the look that made me feel like I was asking for something out of this world.
A close-up shot of a man’s face | Source: Midjourney
“Do you have any idea how much daycare is going to cost?” he asked. “Plus, all the baby expenses? Your job barely covers those costs as it is.”
“It’s just a few outfits, Tyler. I can’t exactly go back to work without clothes.”
That’s when he said it.
“Your job costs us a lot. Just get a job as a cleaner. You don’t need fancy clothes for that.”
I couldn’t believe his words.
Had he really just said that? This man whom I’d been making breakfast, lunch, and dinner for? The one whose laundry I’d been doing? Whose baby I’d been taking care of 24/7 while he continued his career without interruption?
A close-up shot of a woman’s face | Source: Midjourney
“A cleaner?” I repeated.
Tyler shrugged. “It’s practical. Better hours for childcare too.”
I had sacrificed my body, my sleep, and my career momentum for our family. And now, when I needed something basic to continue moving forward, he couldn’t even be bothered to support me.
Instead of yelling at him, I just smiled and said, “You’re right, babe. I’ll figure something out.”
And I did.
But not in the way he expected.
A man in his house | Source: Midjourney
I wasn’t about to beg for basic respect or a few new shirts.
Instead, I followed his suggestion and got a job as a cleaner.
But not just anywhere.
I applied at his office.
Tyler works at a prestigious corporate law firm downtown. When I discovered they needed part-time cleaning staff through a job listing online, it felt like the universe was handing me exactly what I needed.
A woman looking for a job on her laptop | Source: Pexels
Within a week, I was hired for the evening shift, which worked perfectly with our childcare situation. My mother was more than happy to watch Ethan for a few hours in the evening, especially when I explained what I was doing. She never did like Tyler much.
The best part? Tyler had no idea.
He assumed I was taking night classes to “improve my skills,” as I’d vaguely mentioned. He never asked for details, which was another sign of how little he actually cared about my aspirations.
A man looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
For three weeks, I worked the cleaning shift, making sure to avoid the floor where Tyler’s office was located. I needed to pick the right moment.
The perfect opportunity presented itself when I learned through office gossip that Tyler would be hosting an important client meeting on Wednesday evening.
The cleaning schedule had me on his floor that night, and I made no requests to change it.
Documents on a table | Source: Midjourney
When Wednesday arrived, I walked into his office in my gray uniform, hair pulled back in a simple ponytail and wearing minimal makeup.
I pushed my cleaning cart deliberately, the squeaky wheel announcing my presence before I even reached his door.
Tyler was in the middle of presenting something to a group of five people seated around his conference table when I entered to empty the trash bins. I kept my head down initially, methodically going about my work, but I could feel the moment his eyes landed on me.
The confident flow of his presentation stuttered to a halt mid-sentence.
A man standing in a meeting room | Source: Midjourney
“And the quarterly projections show—” His voice cracked. “The projections show that… I’m sorry, excuse me for a second.”
I continued working, moving to the bin beside his desk, feeling his stare burning into my back.
“Marilyn?” he finally spoke up. “What are you doing here?”
I turned and smiled politely. “Oh, hello, sir. I didn’t mean to interrupt your meeting.”
The blood drained from his face so quickly I thought he might pass out. Meanwhile, the clients and his colleagues looked between us in confusion.
Men sitting in an office | Source: Pexels
Then, one of his coworkers, who had seen me at company events before, spoke up. “Wait, this is your wife? What’s she doing here?”
Tyler stammered. “I… I don’t know. Marilyn, what are you doing?”
I maintained my composure, standing straight with dignity despite the uniform. “Oh, I just took my husband’s wonderful advice! He suggested that since my old job was too costly with childcare and professional clothing, being a cleaner would be more practical. No dress code to worry about. To be honest, it’s actually been quite educational.”
The room fell silent.
Every eye turned to Tyler, whose face had now gone from pale to flushed with embarrassment.
A man looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
His boss, Mr. Calloway, raised an eyebrow. “Your husband told you to be a cleaner instead of continuing your career?”
I shrugged with an innocent smile. “Well, he said my previous job was too expensive because I needed new clothes after having our baby. He thought this would be a better fit for me.”
Mr. Calloway’s expression hardened as he looked at Tyler.
An angry man | Source: Midjourney
The atmosphere in the room had completely changed.
“Marilyn, can we discuss this at home?” Tyler whispered. “Now isn’t the time.”
“Of course,” I replied cheerfully. “I wouldn’t want to interfere with your important meeting. I’ll just finish up here and be on my way. You gentlemen have a wonderful evening.”
As I pushed my cart toward the door, I heard Mr. Calloway say, “Let’s take a fifteen-minute break, shall we?”
That told me Tyler was in for an uncomfortable conversation.
A boss talking to an employee | Source: Midjourney
But I wasn’t done yet. This was just the beginning.
Over the following weeks, I made sure to be exceptionally diligent at my job. I always cleaned Tyler’s office last, timing it perfectly so his coworkers would still be around wrapping up their day.
I smiled sweetly whenever someone asked about my presence there, and I made a point of thanking Tyler loudly for his “amazing career advice” whenever we crossed paths.
Back-view shot of a woman working as a cleaner | Source: Midjourney
One day, Tyler tried to talk to me about it at home.
“This has gone on long enough,” he insisted. “You’ve made your point. This is embarrassing.”
“Embarrassing for whom?” I asked calmly. “I’m following your suggestion. I thought you’d be proud of me for being so practical.”
“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “It was just a comment. I was stressed about money.”
A man looking down | Source: Midjourney
“Funny how your ‘just comments’ always seem to minimize me and my needs,” I chuckled. “And funnier still how my stress about returning to work professionally wasn’t worth considering, but your stress about money justified belittling my career.”
At that point, Tyler didn’t know that I was having conversations while cleaning offices. Real conversations. With people who saw me as more than just “the cleaner” or “the mom.”
Specifically, Carol from HR had stopped me one evening to chat after finding me reading a legal brief I’d spotted on a desk.
A stack of papers on a desk | Source: Midjourney
After learning about my background in corporate communications and the circumstances that led me to cleaning, she was appalled.
“We actually have an opening in the marketing department,” she told me. “The pay is competitive, and the hours would work with your childcare situation. Would you be interested?”
I was more than interested. I was ready.
The final act in my plan came together at the next company event, where spouses were invited. Tyler had begged me not to attend, claiming we should “leave work at work,” but I insisted.
A man sitting with his head in his hands, worried about his image | Source: Midjourney
I arrived fashionably late, wearing a stunning new navy dress that I’d purchased with my first advance from my new marketing position that would start the following Monday. It was a position that paid significantly more than Tyler’s.
The look on his face when I walked in was worth every second of pushing that cleaning cart. He just stared at me with wide eyes as Carol from HR approached me with a glass of champagne.
A woman holding a glass of champagne | Source: Midjourney
“Everyone, I’d like to introduce our newest team member,” Carol announced to the small group near us. “Marilyn will be joining our marketing department on Monday as our new Communications Director. Some of you may have met her already in a different capacity.”
The smirks and raised eyebrows around the circle made it clear everyone understood exactly what “different capacity” meant. Tyler looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
Later that evening, Tyler cornered me by the drinks table.
“You planned this whole thing, didn’t you?” he hissed.
A man standing in a party | Source: Midjourney
I sipped my champagne calmly. “No, Tyler. You planned it when you decided I wasn’t worth a few new outfits to restart my career. I just adapted to the circumstances you created.”
“It was a joke,” he insisted, his voice desperate. “I was stressed. I didn’t mean for you to actually become a cleaner.”
“And I didn’t mean to discover that my husband values me so little,” I replied. “Yet here we are, both surprised by outcomes we didn’t expect.”
Over the following months, things changed dramatically between us.
An upset man | Source: Midjourney
Tyler’s position at the firm became increasingly uncomfortable as the story of his “career advice” to his wife became part of company lore. Meanwhile, my role expanded as my talents were recognized. The power dynamic in our marriage shifted noticeably.
Tyler tried to apologize repeatedly.
He bought me clothes, jewelry, and even a new car, but it didn’t work.
A man holding car keys | Source: Pexels
You see, the moment he made me feel like I wasn’t worth basic respect was the moment something fundamental broke between us.
Now, six months later, my closet is filled with clothes that fit the woman I’ve become.
Meanwhile, Tyler has lost his job. He’s apologized more times than I can count, but no amount of regret can erase the moment he made me feel small, the moment he dismissed my worth so easily.
And now, the choice is mine. Do I forgive him and give our marriage another chance? Or is it time to walk away for good?
What would you do?
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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