Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
11 Actors Who Had a Chance to Portray a Legendary Character but Missed It
There are many ways to get a starring role. Some actors are selected during castings, while others are invited due to their popularity, which is what happened to Kate Winslet after Titanic. But not all auditions end successfully, or actors may not agree to offers made by film directors or producers. For example, Russell Crowe refused to star in Lord of the Rings because his intuition told him so.
At Bright Side, we imagined what our favorite characters would look like if other people portrayed them.
Daenerys Targaryen — Elizabeth Olsen
The actress, who has become famous for her role of the Scarlet Witch, failed auditions for the role of Mother of Dragons at the beginning of her career. Elizabeth Olsen later described what happened: “It was the most awkward audition I’d ever had. I was doing the Khaleesi speech when she comes out of the fire. It was awful. I didn’t get a callback.” As a result, Daenerys was played by Emilia Clarke.
Aragorn — Russell Crowe
Russell Crowe was asked once whether he regretted refusing to play Aragorn in the iconic trilogy, Lord of the Rings. The actor honestly replied that he had never thought about it and explained why he didn’t join the project. According to Crowe, Peter Jackson never really wanted to cast him for the role of Aragorn. Russell’s instinct told him that the director already had a suitable person in mind, so he politely declined the offer.
Ellie Sattler — Gwyneth Paltrow
In 1992, Gwyneth Paltrow wanted to get the role of Dr. Ellie Sattler. This part would’ve really helped the career of the aspiring actress because Jurassic Park had become a popular franchise. However, the future star failed, and the role went to Laura Dern.
James Bond — Henry Cavill
Now it’s hard to imagine anyone but the brilliant Daniel Craig playing this role, but Henry Cavill had a chance to become the new Agent 007. The actor was turned down because he was “a little chubby.” Cavill accepted the criticism with dignity and began to do more physical training, which helped him in his future career.
Jane Smith — Gwen Stefani
Popular singer Gwen Stefani is a truly versatile person. She almost landed the lead role in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. Stefani went to quite a few auditions, but eventually, she made a choice in favor of a musical career. And Jane Smith was played by the amazing Angelina Jolie.
Indiana Jones — Tom Selleck
The actor almost played the cheerful adventurer. Tom Selleck got the role of Indiana Jones, but by that time, he had already signed on for the Magnum, P.I. TV series, and the producers didn’t allow him to combine the 2 projects.
Prince Caspian — Nicholas Hoult
According to the actor, auditions for the role of Prince Caspian were the worst in his career. Nicholas Hoult was asked to speak with a Hispanic accent, like Puss in Boots from Shrek. Holt was embarrassed by this request because he wasn’t prepared for it. Eventually, the role went to British actor Ben Barnes, who was the perfect fit.
Viola De Lesseps — Kate Winslet
After the resounding success of Titanic, Kate Winslet received many offers from different film directors. She was invited to take part in Shakespeare in Love, but the actress refused because she wanted to work on more independent projects. Eventually, Gwyneth Paltrow landed the role. And she made the right choice, as she was awarded an Oscar for her performance.
Alex Munday — Angelina Jolie
We know from Angelina Jolie’s filmography that she loves to take part in action flicks. But still, there was a similar project the actress rejected. Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz did their best to convince Jolie to play their partner but to no avail.
Jolie felt she wasn’t right for this role and later explained her refusal: “I’m not at that point in my career, so audiences won’t have as much fun watching me run around in high heels chasing bad guys and flipping my hair.”
Patrick Bateman — Johnny Depp
Initially, American Psycho was supposed to be directed by Stuart Gordon. The director saw only Johnny Depp in the main role and persuaded him to take it. But the author of the novel abruptly changed his mind. He pulled Stuart Gordon’s rights to the book and called Johnny Depp a lightweight actor who was too old to play the part. Depp was 28 at the time.
Christian Grey — Charlie Hunnam
In 2013, all the newspapers announced the news of the year: Charlie Hunnam would star in the screen adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. But a few months later, the actor changed his mind and refused the role. As it turned out, Hunnam had a nervous breakdown due to his busy work schedule.
The actor realized that he wouldn’t be able to do his job properly, but this decision was very difficult for him. Hunnam hasn’t seen any of the films in the trilogy because he called that situation “the worst professional experience” of his life.
Do you think the actors from our article would have been more convincing in these roles? Share your opinion in the comments below.
Preview photo credit Game of Trones / HBO, Jordan Strauss / Invision / AP / East News
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