Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.
It’s Been A Rough Few Years For Simon Cowell, And They Changed His Life
Simon Cowell has experienced multiple health issues as a result of two separate bicycle accidents that occurred over a two-year period.
Simon and the other judges from America’s Got Talent openly acknowledged these instances during their recent appearance on the Today Show. The show’s hosts were Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, and Terry Crews.
The 64-year-old celebrity experienced the same fate when pedalling about London in early 2022 after falling from his e-bike in Malibu in 2020.
Simon was questioned about how these losses had changed his perspective on life in a promotional piece for the forthcoming 18th season of America’s Got Talent.
When asked how he felt physically before the tragedies, he replied, “wasn’t in the best shape before the mishaps, so they were far from terrific, rather quite terrible.” I didn’t understand how unsuited I truly was until the healing process.
And then he said, “It was a revelation, a true god’ moment!” Simon saw his unwavering zeal for riding and remarked that he believed everything happened for a reason.
He exclaimed, “I’m not giving up on my bike,” much to the delight of his fellow actors. I can’t get enough of these amazing inventions.
Simon was questioned about how these losses had changed his perspective on life in a promotional piece for the forthcoming 18th season of America’s Got Talent.
When asked how he felt physically before the tragedies, he replied, “wasn’t in the best shape before the mishaps, so they were far from terrific, rather quite terrible.” I didn’t understand how unsuited I truly was until the healing process.
And then he said, “It was a revelation, a true god’ moment!” Simon saw his unwavering zeal for riding and remarked that he believed everything happened for a reason.
He exclaimed, “I’m not giving up on my bike,” much to the delight of his fellow actors. I can’t get enough of these amazing inventions.
In an interview with The Sun in April of last year, he discussed dealing with the fallout from his e-bike accident.
He remarked, “I was in such a terrible place when I fractured my back that I considered going to therapy for the first time in my life.”
I was miserable because I couldn’t express how I was feeling to Eric. I wondered when I would be able to resume activities with him, like playing football and taking walks.
Eric was born to Simon and Lauren on February 14, 2014. After his bike accidents, the TV celebrity claimed that his child had come up with a humorous new nickname for him.
In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, the Britain’s Got Talent judge acknowledged that he felt “embarrassed” after watching the episodes at home.
After surgery, Simon’s back is held together by metal rods and screws, but he took comfort in the fact that his kid made a comparison between him and the well-known superhero Iron Man.
Simon recalled with pride, “When I reunited with my family, Eric said, ‘Dad, you look like Iron Man.’” “Yeah, I’m like Iron Man, indeed,” I grinned.Image source: Wikimedia
Since then, Simon has had little trouble laughing off his difficulties and has even downplayed the more serious initial wounds he received while working on the AGT stage in June 2021.
During a demonstration of a kid-friendly Shaolin Kung Fu act, Terry, being the curious one, questioned Simon if he could ever see himself performing such risky acrobatics.
Simon joked back to the pair, “After hurting my back, I got to the point where I would go around the garden with Eric, believing it was a fantastic accomplishment. Nonetheless, I couldn’t stop myself from doing it without thinking, “Maybe not such a great idea!”
Simon’s path of fortitude and reflection serves as evidence of the unbreakable determination that propels him ahead.
Despite the difficulties caused by the bicycle accidents, he keeps up his excitement for cycling and for life in general, while still finding humour in his misadventures.
Simon joked back to the pair, “After hurting my back, I got to the point where I would go around the garden with Eric, believing it was a fantastic accomplishment. Nonetheless, I couldn’t stop myself from doing it without thinking, “Maybe not such a great idea!”
Simon’s path of fortitude and reflection serves as evidence of the unbreakable determination that propels him ahead.
Despite the difficulties caused by the bicycle accidents, he keeps up his excitement for cycling and for life in general, while still finding humour in his misadventures.
Please SHARE this article with Friends and Family!
Leave a Reply